Breadwinning… And My Mixed Feelings About It
Episode Summary:
I love this recent question I received – How do you overcome scarcity mindset? And did you feel this when you became the sole provider for your children post-divorce? How do you not let the feeling, the financial burden become all encompassing? How do you manage being the breadwinner for your family? This topic is a little bit more personal, but I’m excited to answer it today on The Heart Centered Entrepreneur Podcast because I think it is such an important conversation for all working moms because so many of us suffer from self-judgment for not only splitting our time, but loving what we do and loving to make money from it. It took me a long time to get to where I am now from quitting my day job, then later going through a divorce. But now I’m experiencing so much abundance and I want the same for you too, love.
Topics Discussed:
How Anna saved $20K in 90 days and then grew that to $200K and why she suggests this is one of the first things you get started on to move out of scarcity mindset
The different decisions that you can make in your life and business that will help keep you in abundance and out of survival mode
How to create an abundance of time so that you feel grounded and peaceful
The process that Anna uses whether she’s looking for a new babysitter or hiring a new team member
What it means to have an abundance of emotional capacity and how this can be a big benefit in your life
Prioritizing future self care by planning ahead where you can
Why it’s necessary to have clear goals (and a stretch goal) to call in more abundance
Episode Resources:
Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google | Stitcher
-
Anna Rapp (00:00):
How do you overcome scarcity mindset? And did you feel this when you became the sole provider for your children post-divorce? How do you not let the feeling, the financial burden become all encompassing? How do you manage being the breadwinner for your family? I love this question so much <laugh>, so much. I'm going to answer it today and I wanna welcome you with all of my heart to this episode of the Heart-Centered Entrepreneur podcast. I have been hearing from a few of you that have been telling me like that you're newer listeners to the podcast and you've been listening to every single episode. And that means so much to me and just know it is such an honor and a privilege to have you here in the community. If we've never officially met before, come say hi to me in the Instagram dms. I would just love to connect with you.
Anna Rapp (00:48):
Nothing makes me happier than connecting with heart-centered women like you and hearing about your business, about your dreams, about your life. Like I live for that. Like I could do that forever <laugh>. So just wanted to say how much I love you and this is a tender topic and know that you can submit questions to me for the podcast at any point. And I would love to answer them. This one's gonna be a little bit more personal, but practical too. So it's really interesting because obviously I am the breadwinner for my family as a single mama to two amazing kids, ages seven to nine. And I have been for quite some time and not only am I the sole provider financially for my children or like 95% of the way <laugh> but also time and emotional energy and capacity. And I really am that though I don't identify with the word breadwinner, which is interesting because this reminds me like when, when this question was asked, I was like breadwinner.
Anna Rapp (01:45):
I'm not the breadwinner. And I'm like, oh my god, I guess I am right. It reminds me of when I was had this aha moment that I'm a working mom <laugh>. I have always worked, I've always loved to work, I've always been obsessed with being a mama. That's always my number one priority. But I've always enjoyed working and you know, when I was doing therapy as my day job before that, when I was, you know, directing in higher education in the residence halls, I've always worked, but I've always really found a way to have kind of flexible work and or part-time work and or like I remember bringing my baby on my baby carrier with me when I would be in some of my meetings and you know, have my son on my back with me. And I've just always, I've never really seen myself as a working mom.
Anna Rapp (02:30):
I think that's because I had a lot of judgments around someone that was a working mom. I grew up with a mom who was a stay at home mom for the most part for many years. And so I think I really felt locked into that being the right and moral thing. And so I had a lot of self judgment around liking work and liking to help people and liking to make money. So anyway, I feel like I had a baby identity crisis when I realized like I am a working mom and I always have been. And that actually led me to hiring a part-time nanny for 10 hours, which was such a blessing because then I was able to work when I worked and then when I didn't work I was able to be more present with my kids. Like when I acknowledged how much I liked working as a woman, it actually freed me up to be a better mom and more free when I, when I wasn't on my work hours.
Anna Rapp (03:15):
You know, I think before I admitted that I worked, I still worked. I just kind of multitasked it more and probably nothing even got the best of my attention. So anyway, here's to not being in denial, right? Okay. So now that I'm having my second come to Jesus moment when it comes to being a breadwinner I really gave this question some thought and I really thought how do I manage it? Because I do feel like I'm a pretty peaceful breadwinner. Like I don't feel a lot of pressure. I really for the most part feel a lot of abundance and happiness. So I wanna talk about how to overcome scarcity mindset, but I also wanna talk about how to overcome scarcity. 'cause I think sometimes we beat ourself up for feeling scarcity when like actually that's what we should be feeling because we're in a scarce survival situation.
Anna Rapp (04:04):
So I think practically let's talk about like how to get ourselves out of scarcity so that we don't feel scarce. How to practically get ourselves into abundance. And I wanna talk about abundance in the sense of money, but also in the sense of emotion, the sense of time. Because I think as women we really wanna put ourselves in abundance of time, money, energy. That way when things life happens, <laugh>, we have the capacity to handle it. And I just feel like over the last years I really have built up a large bank, not only of money, but of energy and time. And so let's talk about how to do that. Are you ready? So obviously you guys know I wrote a book called Freedom Fund, build Your 20 K Freedom Fund in 90 Days. And that's the number one thing I suggest for getting yourself really practically into abundance and feeling relaxed.
Anna Rapp (04:56):
You guys know my story as I told my coach, you know, I'm making good money, but I'm feeling stressed when it comes to money. I told her this about four years ago now and you know, I made this affirmation like I've complete control of my finances and I was really trying to like figure out how to make exactly the amount of same amount of money every month and execute a lot of control in my business and life where instead what I needed to do is just create some surplus so that when things did happen I would be okay. And so that's what led me to create 20 k in the bank in about 90 days. And then I saved 200 K in two years and that's how I bought this beautiful house of mine. And again, creating that excess of cash so that when things do happen, you fine and you're taken care of.
Anna Rapp (05:47):
So that's my number one suggestion in creating abundance in your life and business is creating at a different bank than your own $20,000, starting with 200, starting with 400. My first deposit I'm pretty sure was $20. Maybe it was 200, I don't remember. It was something in that range. But really starting small and doable and starting to create some overflow for yourself, I promise you it is a balm for your nervous system knowing that if you have a client that you need to fire, you can fire them. If you have a medical bill, you can cover it. If your car breaks down, no problem, you can cover it, right?
Anna Rapp (06:25):
Having that access. Okay, I also wanna talk about oh, and just one more note on that too, making, I've had this conversation with several of my clients lately. Just making sure you're making decisions in your life and business that keep you in abundance. I think if we're, have had a season, I know I have of being in survival mode, maybe being in debt, maybe having really tiny children, and so kind of being in that panicky stage of being a new mama, right? If you've been through a season maybe of a debilitating health diagnosis like cancer or something similar, you have been in survival mode. And when we leave survival mode, it can be really easy to purposefully get back into it. Sometimes we're in survival mode and we can't help it. Like that's just what happened, right? But sometimes we put ourself into survival mode because it feels familiar, because it feels like, oh, I'm not working hard unless I'm like, you know, working hard.
Anna Rapp (07:20):
And so I think just really watching your decisions and it's why I've made a lot of decisions very calculated in my life, right? Why I lived in a one bedroom apartment for two years, right? Because I was saving up that 200 k for my house, right? Why right now I'm like, I would love to get a new car, but I'm lightly pausing that decision because I wanna go international with my kids three times this year and that'll probably cost me like at least $30,000. And so again, like really getting clear and prioritizing what's important to you and, you know, keeping your, making financial decisions so that you're in the overflow, I think has always been really, really helpful for me. Okay, let's talk about time abundance. How do you create an abundance of time so that you feel grounded and peaceful? I think I've said this before, but I've shifted my work schedule so that most of my work is Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, three days out of the week, even though I have childcare now for five days out of the week.
Anna Rapp (08:18):
And then I put most of my work into three weeks out of the month. So I have that fourth week, even though I work a little bit in that fourth week. Again, it's an overflow. I'm creating a lot of margin, I think as high performing women, have you ever done this? I have. We overestimate ourselves. We're like, I'm gonna do these 19 things today and then when we only do 15 of them, we're like, what's wrong with me? Instead of like, is it reasonable for you to do 19 things in one day? Right? I think when we over, and again, we wanna like also be careful not to like underestimate ourselves because we want to make sure that we're, we are being efficient, right? Like, you know, maybe you need to like write two emails, give yourself 20 minutes and you can get it done.
Anna Rapp (08:59):
You don't need to give yourself all day, right? But in general, really making sure that you have extra capacity in your day so that when emergencies happen, they're not putting you into panic. You're like, that's fine, right? Okay, I gotta pick up my kid from school because he's sick. No problem. I can move this work to a different day, right? Planning for things to go wrong. I had this realization too when I really used to plan to get work done during my kids' nap time and then it led to frustration because you know, kids never nap when we want them to nap. At least mine never did. Instead of me being like, okay, I'm gonna use this nap time as bonus work time, but I'm not gonna have it be my essential work time, right? And just really planning for things to go wrong. I have this worksheet, I have my clients fill out is basically like a little like self-care planner.
Anna Rapp (09:45):
And in it I ask them to like, you know, write down a day that's not perfect, but kind of average. And then how are you gonna manage yourself on that day? Right? We're so shocked when like hits the fan, but like, what if we just knew that it didn't plan for it, right? Okay, another way that I create time abundance for myself, especially as a beautiful single mama is having a lot of babysitters on hand, right? So that I know that if my girlfriends are getting together or there's a salsa bachata event I wanna go to, like I have several people I can call instead of really what I did before, which was only having one babysitter and feeling like, oh, if they don't, you know, aren't available, then I can't have my freedom. Or, you know, same thing like if you don't feel like you have a pool of clients to pick from, you can feel like, ugh, this client is mistreating me, but I don't wanna let them go because I don't have another client.
Anna Rapp (10:36):
Like building that wait list of clients, building that wait list of babies, having extra, doing the work to interview babysitters, try them out. I have this like little formula I have for babysitters now. You wanna hear it? I go on care.com, I message like 40 people and then, you know, kind of filter through some of them. And then I do 10 minute FaceTime interviews with like eight girls. And then from there I invite three of them to come to my house and I pay them for one hour to be with me and my kids. And then from those three, I pick one and my kids, let's be real, they pick <laugh>. This last time my daughter went to one of them and gave them a little flower, a little rose and said, I pick you as my babysitter. And she just laughed. I'm like, the girl's never seen the bachelor.
Anna Rapp (11:19):
Like how did she even know that? You know? But anyway, point being it takes a lot of work, you're like, what message 40. But like, that's the same process, like when I'm hiring a new team member, that's the same process. Like to find a partner and get dates, right? Like you just have to be willing to do the work, but creating that excess of support in that way. Okay, finally, let's talk about having an abundance of emotional capacity. This, I've never talked about this before, ever, but something I really realize I do is I have a lot of friends <laugh>, especially right now. Like I don't have a partner, right? And so I really try to diversify <laugh>, the, the, the emotional load I put on my friends, like as a single mama, as a business owner. Like my life has a lot going on, but I really feel like I'm able to manage it so well because I have a lot of friends that, you know, if one friend is really busy and isn't able to listen to me and I'm going through something hard, I can hop over to another friend and share with them and have them listen to me.
Anna Rapp (12:20):
And I think where a lot of women go wrong is we have one friend and we put so much pressure on them or even our partner, right? Like maybe your partner isn't a chapter where he or she like is really busy or overwhelmed. Like I just think we put so much pressure on any one person instead of like, I always ask God like, okay, God gimme three good girlfriends at any one time. And if one girlfriend is busy or going through something more personal, like that's okay, I can lean on another friend, like get really attached to having good friends, but a little attached to like who they are in each chapter. And what this has done is that it's actually given me really good lifetime friends. Like the same ones. I'm not saying like flake out on your friends, but I'm just saying like give yourself a lot of options and resources, right?
Anna Rapp (13:02):
For me, this also means like having lots of different professional options. Like I have my coach Lacey, who's amazing, who I've been with for forever, but I also have a therapist. I'm not seeing her currently because I'm doing fine in life right now, but I have her on call and should I need her, I could message her and like meet with her tomorrow and sit in her office. That's them. Like the ocean, honestly, just sitting in her office for an hour, I feel happy <laugh> because she's so high vibe, right? But it took me time and I had to look up therapists and asked her recommendations. And again, that same process that I talked about with the babysitter, I called, you know, five different therapists, only three of them got back to me. I did 15 minute consults with two of them and then I picked one, right?
Anna Rapp (13:45):
That takes energy, but it's useful because in the moment of scarcity or crisis, you're not gonna have time to do all of this. And so it really is, you know, future self-care. I think about that too. Like when I meal prep, right? I am taking care of my future self just like I would a kid or whatever, right? And I think we don't, you know, when we're in survival mode, we forget to be proactive, we forget to plan. And now so much of my life is built on planning ahead, right? Like, I think I told you guys, October rolls around and I'm ordering all my Christmas gifts, right? Because I don't know how my November and December is gonna be, right? I ended up going through a lot of transition this last December and so I was so thankful that I had already done all the Christmas shizz, right?
Anna Rapp (14:31):
And so I think again, just reminding yourself like build up, like work in advance, build up storehouses, build up plenty and start slow, right? If you're in survival mode, this can seem impossible, but just doing what's doable for you there. Okay, one more thing I wanted to say when it comes to like calling in abundance is just really making sure your goals are clear. I've been working with several of my, you know, one-on-one clients and setting their goals for the year. And a few of my clients don't tell them this, but you know, I encourage them to set the same goal, which is good, better, best of 500 K, 750 k, $1 million annually. This is for my clients that are already making like at least 200 k, 400 k in their business right now. And it's so interesting, I just met with one today and she was like, oh my gosh, Anna, we're 45 days into the year and I've already hit 400 K in sales and setting that $1 million goal felt impossible, but now it's feeling totally doable that I'm basically already at my good goal and I'm like, what, like 15% through the year?
Anna Rapp (15:33):
And so I think it's remembering, creating that clear goal is what helps us call it in and helps us work towards it, right? When I had that goal to create financial abundance by creating that 20 K freedom fund, when I first made that goal of 20 k in the bank as a savings, that felt literally impossible. I was like, I have no idea where this money is gonna come from, right? So know that like as you're making that goal to have capacity, whether it's in your money, in your time, in your energy, when you think about having three really good friends, maybe you don't have any good girlfriends right now, maybe you did, but like you moved or you have a baby or like it's gonna feel impossible, but like that's the point. You don't have it right now and it's not until you have it that it's gonna feel possible, right?
Anna Rapp (16:21):
<Laugh>. So what I would love for today's takeaway to be is especially if you are a breadwinner, or if you are someone that is creating the stability in your family or creating most of the finances or whatever, asking yourself how you can resource yourself and create actual abundance. I know that the question was like, how do you have an abundance mindset? But I guess this podcast was more about how do you just practically create abundance in your life so you don't even have to have abundance in your mind because it's your reality, right? But maybe even getting clear on, well, number one, remembering you're not alone. Like, I get it. I get what it's like. And number two, asking yourself, what do I wanna prioritize when it comes to creating abundance for myself? Do I wanna create abundance of money, abundance of time, abundance of emotional support?
Anna Rapp (17:08):
I would put it in that order. I would say like money abundance first, create that and then I would say time abundance and emotional abundance. I mean, those are all so good. Pick the one, pick one, message me and let me know which one you're working on. Building up a storehouse for you. I got this visual of, you know, like <laugh>, like just a large storehouse of grain that farmers build, right for their crops for good years and bad years. They're building up these like storehouses of crops and it's safe for you to create those storehouses, right? It's safe for you to, to think about your future self, to be proactive, to think in the future, to not be pro
Anna Rapp (17:48):
Reactive all the time. But I know that's easier said than done. I am so grateful for you Girlies. I love you so much. And if you want to create more stability through more money, I would love to have you in my mastermind Sell with heart. So make sure that you sign up for the wait list for that. I, that program opens two times a year. That is for women already making $2,000 or more in their business each month, looking to grow to six figures annually. If you're not yet at 2K, I would love to invite you to my Evergreen program. Get and Coach that year round 12 weeks, you and me, we will get you to $2,000 consistently in your business. And just so thankful to support you. So thankful for this space and the time that we get to connect. Know that I feel, I feel close to you, I feel connected to you, and I hope that you consider me part of your emotional support system. One of your friends, one of your biz besties, your mentor on this journey, and just sending you lots of love.
PS: In the midst of this challenging time I’ve been asking myself what I can do to help? One of the #1 ways I support my clients is by helping them simplify their business so that they can increase the flow of money without creating extra work. In this season simplified visibility and sales is needed more than ever.
So if you’re craving personal support as you reposition your free and paid work, I’d love to help you simplify your sales process so that you can produce income in your business even during a challenging time. If you want support you can check out my services and book a free discovery call here, or you can send me a DM on Instagram.