Restoring Your Relationship With Money
Episode Summary:
Welcome, welcome, welcome to 2023, friends! I wanted to start off this new year by sharing a replay of a mini session I had a couple months back because it’s all about money mindset. Your relationship with money is SO crucial as you design and work toward your goals for 2023 and beyond. My guest and I chat about what to do when you know the work that needs to be done, but it’s hard to match your actions to that. She also shares her personal story with setting boundaries with her family as she grows her wealth, her business, and her marriage. This episode is a huge permission slip to create not only more income, but the life that you want as a whole. I love you, friend!
Topics Discussed:
Overcoming the obstacle of knowing what you need to do but are still unable to meet your goals; matching your actions with your needs and desires
Recognizing the narrative that you’ve always been told about money and how this can create blocks to abundance
The power of language when it comes to manifesting what you desire
Why setting internal and external boundaries are the key to upleveling and choosing the path you want for your life
Learning how to be comfortable with the uncomfort instead of feeling exposed
Episode Resources:
Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google | Stitcher
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Anna Rapp (00:00):
Okay. So how I do these is, this is 20 minutes. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative> on anything that you need. It might be freedom fund, it might be anything that's on your heart and mind. I just wanna show up for and listen to. And then after the 20 minutes, if you have any questions about what I offer in my business as a coach, I can talk about that. How does that sound? That
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Sounds perfect.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
So I was thinking about what I wanted to talk about today. Yes. Great. Cause I read the book, I went to your coaching for the book and it was just amazing. I love your energy. I love the way you present the topics. Cause I don't consider myself a beginner and the money mindset world. Maybe intermediate <laugh>.
Anna Rapp (01:45):
Yeah. Or maybe lightly advanced. Like you can own it
Speaker 2 (01:47):
If you're advanced. Maybe slightly advanced maybe. I feel though, like the difficulty that I have in Freedom Fund or any of that is I know it All right. Not all. Yes. I don't know. Yes. But I, I can logical, my logical brain is like, we have the information. Yes. And I'm like, that is so cool. What Anna's done or that is so cool what that money mindset person has done. Yes. I have trouble bringing it into my body and believing that. Yeah. That's possible for me. <Laugh>?
Anna Rapp (02:17):
Yeah. Oh, this is it. Okay. This is okay. Tell me more. Tell me more.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Yeah, so it's just, it feels like I've, you know, I've done affirmations even though they felt a little silly, but I've gotten more used to changing that kind of internal dialogue cuz I think that's what affirmations are huge for is helping quiet down that inner critic and kind of helping give it some positive language about ourself. Yeah. And I've seen breakthroughs. Like I can't deny that <laugh> things have come a long way from my divorce five years ago when I was like trying to make ends meet. And now I'm happily, happily married building this business. <Laugh>, congrat. But I've never seen, thank you. I've just never manifested $20,000 or a year of vacations like this other author that I read or, you know what I'm saying? Like, it feels like I'm still just here on the regular path and Yes, you're talking about this other path and I'm like, maybe that's just not for me. That's what it feels like. <Laugh>.
Anna Rapp (03:18):
Well, first I just wanna get you, like, you have so much good self-awareness, right? <Laugh> what would we call this other path if you were to call it something?
Speaker 2 (03:27):
The, the enlightened path or the manifestation path. That's what it feels like. <Laugh>.
Anna Rapp (03:32):
Okay. And does it feel like, like what if magically, like I waved, let's say this pencil was a wand, whoop, and suddenly you were on that path, right? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>, what, is there anything bad about that path? Is there anything that you're nervous about when it comes to that?
Speaker 2 (03:48):
So there's a lot that I have been working through. I know it's never like I'm done working through that. But I don't know if you're familiar with Denise STK Thomas Yeah. Is in a similar sort of space and I worked through her book Get Rich Lucky where she did a lot of exercises working through childhood money stories Yes. And things like that. And there's a lot of like fundamentalist like religion in my past where money is the root of all evil and all of that. Yes. and my parents were always making fun of like the prosperity, like Neiman and claimant or whatever. And so I can't say that there's not ghosts of that. I feel like I've slogged through. Like I, it's, and I have a beautiful group of women who have met through masterminds and we're always constantly telling each other it's okay to be rich. It's okay to feel comfortable. Like we all bought our like million dollars, you know, sitting on our desk <laugh>, I love it. But that's it. There are those little tiny ghosts that says, okay, the enlightened path sounds amazing. You know, I've learned not to talk about it with my family. I have house cleaners, I get pedicures. We just don't talk about it cuz they're not safe to talk about it with. Cuz they're like, oh, who do you think? You know who
Anna Rapp (05:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Like what?
Anna Rapp (05:03):
Yes,
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Yes. My dad drives broken down beaters. You know, it just always was what it was.
Anna Rapp (05:07):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
So that enlightened, the enlightened path, the like path of manifestation. I kind of want to be there, but it also feels very unfamiliar and so maybe dangerous and because I don't, I don't know what that Yes. Might be. It's, it feels like I'm shedding a lot to, to get there.
Anna Rapp (05:27):
<Laugh>. Yes. And like credit for all the work that you've done. Right. Thank you. The visual that came up for me is like, you know, I hear you saying like there's path A and path B, right? Yes.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Yes.
Anna Rapp (05:37):
But I also hear you saying like, you get pedicures and like you, what was it? Oh, you have a cleaner? Is that
Speaker 2 (05:43):
What you said? We just got a cleaning service.
Anna Rapp (05:45):
Got a cleaner <laugh>. So correct me if I'm wrong, but it doesn't sound like these are two different paths. Like, it sounds like you're on the path, you're just maybe like, feel like
Speaker 2 (05:53):
I don't belong there. Maybe. Or I feel like, like these women are manifesting like $10,000 months in their businesses and I'm over here. I just cleared 3000. It's been a lot of like this.
Anna Rapp (06:05):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Is that still? Can I still be like, I'm on that path even though I'm like, they're up here and I'm like down here
Anna Rapp (06:12):
<Laugh>, you tell me, you tell me. At what point do you hop paths? At what point do you hop pass?
Speaker 2 (06:18):
It feels like a $10,000 month or six figure years
Anna Rapp (06:22):
Or <laugh> Uhhuh. <Affirmative>.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I still feel like I don't belong. I still feel like I'm too small. I, I I hope I'm not playing small. I've spent thousands on coaching that promise to get me to that six figure mark. Mm-Hmm. And I ended up having to drop out cause I couldn't, I couldn't afford the coaching anymore because Yes, this summer I had a couple, like $1,500 months. It was Yeah. It tested my commitment. Yes. So that's what it feels like that it feels like I must not be manifesting. Right? Mm-hmm. Because my months are still down here and they're all like celebrating their wins. Mm-Hmm.
Anna Rapp (06:58):
<Affirmative>. Okay. Tell me more about that.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Yeah, well a couple of them and it's amazing. We are, I, I am obviously there's a little bit of you that's like, Ooh, I can't wait till I meet that six figure milestone. Yes. But we just had a big celebration for one of my friends who crossed that six figure mark for the first time her business this year. And, you know, I'm, I'm married a, a wonderfully and you know, my husband is well off. He makes six figures. He works for the government. And so a lot of the material stuff we have is, you know, it's combined because I bring in extra, but I'm like, I don't know. I'm not <laugh>. She's like, her husband is like, you barely work at all and you made six figures. And I'm over here. Like, I was up at five 30 to network this morning. Yes. And I'm doing call, like I'm, I'm working. Yes. <Laugh>. Yes. And I wanna be on that path. I wanna be on the path. Whereas I can just call it in <laugh>. Yes. I ca I feel like I can't, I feel like I can't call it in. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>.
Anna Rapp (07:53):
Yeah. do you like the term enlightened path or do we wanna call it this something else? Does it make it feel too like pie for me? It sounds a little pie in the sky, right? Does or or does it or do you have a positive connotation with the word enlightened or no?
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Yeah, it's kind of iffy. It does feel
Anna Rapp (08:11):
Kind of un unachievable. <Laugh>. So like what, what do we wanna call? Cause even women that are making, I mean I coach women that are making $3,000 and that are making like $40,000 a month, right? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. And so, and for all of them it's almost the same. Like there <laugh>, there's not some magical amount where we feel like life is perfect. Right. Okay.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Okay.
Anna Rapp (08:28):
So like in my view, you tell me what you think though. There aren't really like two paths. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>, it's like one path, right? Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. Mm-Hmm <affirmative>. But what do we wanna call this path for you?
Speaker 2 (08:42):
I know I'm drawing a blank. Do you have any ideas
Anna Rapp (08:45):
<Laugh>? Well we can brainstorm. I think this is something where it makes sense to like even do a brainstorming
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Session. Yeah. Kind of put some thought into that. Yes. Yes. I love a good like, thought cloud journal movement.
Anna Rapp (08:56):
Yes. <Laugh>. I would thought cloud it out. Cause I think this is something that you might stick with for a long time. Uhhuh. So it makes time to brainstorm it, right? Yeah. and then pick one and almost maybe even create a visual and then you can start affirming, I'm worthy, I'm on the path now. I remember one of my favorite things that my doula told me when I was giving birth and my midwife when I was like really struggling and I said like, I can't do it. I can't do it. They were like, you are doing it. Like you're, you are like, you literally are doing it <laugh>. And I think that's a little what you might be doing to yourself, which is like, when will I get on the path? And I'm like, girl. You are on the path. Like you're on the, you're not as far up long as you want to be. Yeah. And you've kind of built a little bit of a a closing so your family can't see that you're doing pedicure. Like you've kind of hit, you're kind of hidden on the path. Yeah. But you're sure on the path.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Yeah. Yeah. No, that's true. I need to give myself credit and you're not the first person who has said that into my life this year. Yeah. My husband, my friends. Cuz I'll be like, I don't know what I'm doing. And they're like no. Clearly you know what you're doing <laugh>.
Anna Rapp (10:00):
So what comes up for me, how we get move. And what I hear you saying is like, I wanna go faster on the path. Right.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
And, and, and I I have perfectionists tendencies. Yeah. I'm really trying to learn how to fail, not even fail forward, but just be like, experiment and hold it loosely and just realize it's all kind of a game and it's not Yes. Life or death. <Laugh>.
Anna Rapp (10:20):
Yeah. And
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Especially since I have that privilege, you know, there was a time I didn't start my business when I was single mom. I was working my butt off doing other stuff Yeah. Freelancing. But at this point in time, I have the privilege and the capability to experiment and to have months where I'm ringing in like next to nothing. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, that didn't work. So I tweaked and now I'm, I'm make, so you're right. I am I am doing it. I'm just not doing it as fast as I want.
Anna Rapp (10:47):
Which that's okay to say. I think it's okay to say, I wish I were going faster, but that's different than I'm, I'm, I'm not on the path I am someday. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's okay. I'm,
Speaker 2 (10:57):
I sit down. It's okay to say I wish I was going faster.
Anna Rapp (10:59):
Yeah, why not? Right? As long as you're not making yourself wrong. Like, there's something wrong with me for not going faster. Right. Right. Yeah. It's more like, no, I have this burning drive that I want more, I wanna go faster on this path I'm already on. Mm-Hmm. But the way to go faster is two things. Number one, like you said, looking at the path behind you and being so grateful and owning your wins and celebrating yourself. And the other thing, and you may not like this so much <laugh> <laugh>, but is not hiding on the path. Right? Yeah. And I think you're doing a little bit of shrinking and so whether that's like sharing some of your wins publicly, right? Like obviously we, I don't know what family dynamics there are, but like being willing to be a little bit exposed around your family around some of your success. Right?
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Yeah.
Anna Rapp (11:51):
Not gonna get an easier, you know, what are, are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 2 (11:54):
No, that's true. And I think that it's, you know, it's too complicated to really encapsulate in five minutes. Sure. But my family is kind of emotionally abusive. Like I've come to realize kind of neglectful, kind of emotionally abusive. Yes. And instead of that like, I don't know, I look at my, I have a 12 year old for my first marriage and I look at her and I'm like, I just want it to be better for her than I want it to be for, than, than I have it. And so I'm trying to give her emotional intelligence and we just, she's ages ahead of where I was at 12. But when my mom sees me making progress or making freedom or whatever, she gets really like petty about it. Well I guess what we taught you wasn't good enough. Oh, I guess, yeah. Our life wasn't good enough.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Yep. And so I've had to really step back like we're not doing the holidays with this year. Like I've had to protect myself and, but that's right. Like there's so much like I'm 35, I'm an adult woman. Like even, you know, I've, for whatever, if it's permanent in the season of my life, I've stepped away from my religion a childhood. I'm dabbling in crystals and tarot just, you know, my therapist is like, you are allowed to, to dabble in whatever you want to. But I'm, I don't share that openly because my mom's all on my social media and I'm afraid of the backlash, but I don't, I don't need to be hiding these pieces of myself. Like sh she can't get to, she can't hurt me anymore. Like she can hurt me emotionally but she's no longer the gatekeeper to what I need to like live <laugh>.
Anna Rapp (13:20):
I think what you said is so key, right? And so deciding what boundaries need to be put into place, whether it's an actual boundary like blocking her on social media or maybe it's an internal boundary where you're like, somehow she's probably still gonna see it cuz my Instagram is public or whatever. So I'm gonna put in an internal boundary, which is some sort of visual around like she's allowed to have an opinion, right? Like I'm allowed to post whatever I want. She can have an opinion, but I'm gonna let it fall off my back. Right. I love how when the freedom fund call one of the girls talked about like, like water off a duck's back like water
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Off the duck. I need to write that down. Yes.
Anna Rapp (13:56):
Right. So, and in asking yourself, is this an e an external boundary? But I think if you could start putting some internal boundaries here, it's good. And just being like people are gonna respond to, because like you said, you're already on the path, you've already upleveled and so if you can kind of expose yourself to that, it's gonna feel safe to keep going on the path.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Yeah. I hadn't even realize kind of how that connected in because like we're even like, I've never owned a like a bring a new car and that's like kind of a thing that is like my husband and I are working towards, we're like researching electric cars. You know, both of our cars are like six, seven years old and they're still at part of me that's like, oh my gosh, we're supposed to keep cars until they don't run any, like my dad always had beaters, like I had beaters until I was like, this doesn't make sense, I'm paying for an unreliable car. But they're still a part of me that's like, oh they're gonna have opinions and it's just like water off a deck. Like that visual I think is exactly what I needed. Yes. They can have all the feelings. I can't control them. Just like I can't control my narcissistic ex. Like it just is
Anna Rapp (14:52):
What it is. Nope.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
But I've built up real good kind of like calluses to him and I think it's harder with mom and dad probably. Yes. I need to kind of help build up those same kind of protections.
Anna Rapp (15:04):
Yes. And gonna
Speaker 2 (15:05):
See a car I drive like it's just gonna happen. They
Anna Rapp (15:07):
Are <laugh>. Exactly. And so, and I think it's also knowing that like you're more resilient than you gave yourself credit for. So even if there is a little bit of emotional discomfort or re like ideally gets easier and easier. Yeah. Like maybe it's like, you know, you have anxiety for an hour, right? Maybe it used to be you would have an anxiety spiral for two weeks, right? Yeah. But like, you know what, you might have anxiety for an hour but that's okay cuz you know how to take care of yourself. Right. That's right. You know how to talk to your heavy and like, so I think we avoid the emotional pain instead of being like, yes, I can handle it. Like the emotional pain isn't gonna kill me. Yes. And it's gonna be worth it. It's not fun but like whatever. Right.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
You're right. It is. It's that that rebound, that ability to and to not be afraid of feelings. Cuz I had been so numbed out five, six years ago before I got into counseling. Yes. And before the divorce and before I even realized what I was up against. And as I've come into feeling feelings, it's a little scary and it feels a little
Anna Rapp (16:02):
Like wonky. Yes.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Yes. And so there's still that tendency to protect a little bit. Yes. But I think that just like I've been leaning into feelings of, you know, joy and love and you know, when I met my, my husband three years ago and just, I was so guarded and he was so patient and I look back and see that how far I've come, it's also not being afraid of maybe the lower vibe emotions too.
Anna Rapp (16:23):
Yeah. Like life has negative emotion. It does. Whether we, and the thing is whether we grow or not, we're gonna have negative emotions so we might as well take the negative emotions that come with growth and more money. Right? Yes.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
We might as well. We might as
Anna Rapp (16:37):
Well.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
And you're right, I'm doing it. I've gone to so many events and, and met so many people and just looking at where I was a year ago before my coach was like, you can do this. I'm on the path and I don't need to be afraid of my parents and I don't want to make a certain amount of money to be long on the path
Anna Rapp (16:56):
And it's safe for you to want to go faster. Right. It's safe. Like I'm on the path. And so really asking yourself, how can I be grateful? How can I celebrate my, like my guess is if you look backwards on your path, there are so many milestones that you've made that you are not giving yourself credit for. Right. Yeah. And so really looking with the sacred energy of like, I am so proud of myself for I've been on the path this whole time. Yeah. I mean maybe I've taken a few twists and turns, maybe I kind of walk back like, but I have been on the path, I'm so proud of myself. Right. And I'm gonna mark every marker. And so as I'm looking forward, it's like this exciting, wanting to go more instead of like, I suck, I should be further along. Right?
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Yes. I love that, that positive energy to it instead of like, oh my gosh, why, why have I not figured this out? Why? Like, no, that is completely different than like a feeling of excitement and and curiosity. That's a word that keeps coming up too in
Anna Rapp (17:52):
My life. Oh, being curious. Yes. Yes. So being grateful and content and celebrating and owning. Right. And then again, so there's that part and then there's the exposure and the owning. Like as I'm walking on my path, how do I like be proud, right? Yeah. How do I
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Show up as as as me as Yeah.
Anna Rapp (18:14):
To like, cuz I am on it. Exactly. And and I think the more you acclimate to that, the faster you go too. Because as we grow it just more and more exposing and so if you haven't exposed yourself to this point, you're almost just like delaying the, the un discomfort and like letting it build up. Right? Yes.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Yeah. And then it's like something that I'm holding onto you that my brain is like keeping space for that I'm could be using that energy in a much better way.
Anna Rapp (18:40):
<Laugh>. And someday you're gonna be like, I'm a millionaire, I have a mansion. And people are like, what? I thought you were making $1,000 a month. You know what I'm saying? That's right. Exactly. Instead of along the way being like, now I bought a car, now I did this.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Yeah. It's just like I'm really celebrating each Yes. Like uplevel or each milestone like you said. Yeah.
Anna Rapp (18:58):
Yes. Yeah. Okay. Tell me what you are most taking from session. My love. What's standing out to you?
Speaker 2 (19:04):
I am taking that. I am on the stinking path. <Laugh>.
Anna Rapp (19:08):
You are, do you have any, like, do you have any initial ideas for the brainstorm on what your path is called?
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Oh, I really don't. But that's pretty normal for me. Like when I'm in the moment, the thoughts don't flow freely. So I know that as soon as I like sit down with a pen and some paper, it'll start to flow. I'm glad we walked away from enlightenment. That's not quite right. But also water off a deck every time I'm getting those. And I've gotten so much better about not responding to the manipulative texts, not letting that happen. But I'm gonna visually picture like, oh, that text is just like water off a deck, <laugh>.
Anna Rapp (19:37):
Oh,
Speaker 2 (19:38):
That snub is just a water off a deck.
Anna Rapp (19:39):
<Laugh>. I love what you said too, but you already know how to do this with your ex. Right. And so it's like, oh, this is just a transferrable skill. Like, you already know how to do this. It's just moving this to another. It's just
Speaker 2 (19:49):
A situation. Like I don't care what he thinks about me anymore. And honestly I need to not care what my parents think about me anymore. Nice. Cause I'm walking a different path.
Anna Rapp (19:57):
Yes. At
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Different goals, life goals than
Anna Rapp (19:59):
They did. Yes. <laugh>. Yes. Yes. Any other takeaways that you wanna remind yourself of anything else's standing out to you?
Speaker 2 (20:08):
I, I made the note for that path name and that it's safe to go fast, to wish I was going faster. It's safe. Yeah. Like the observer of the thought. Right. Like I'm just observing that thought and like that thought is safe, it's okay, but I'm already on the path and I'm getting where I need to go.
Anna Rapp (20:24):
I love
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Behind me all the things I've already done and like just kind of have a sense of optimism and hope and excitement about the future. Mm-Hmm.
Anna Rapp (20:32):
<Affirmative>, what comes up for me too is you're saying that is like a sense of like worthiness and pride. You know what I mean? Yes.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Worthiness. That's another word that that dogs me. So yes. I
Anna Rapp (20:42):
Yes,
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Yes. Worthiness and pride. Yeah. You
Anna Rapp (20:44):
Are worthy of being on the path right now. You know, it's not like this and that. It's like I am worthy of it because I am like, I'm literally here and I, I'm standing tall and I'm proud and immense. Yes. Yes. It's yes. Oh, I feel so good. I feel so good. <Laugh>. I'm so glad. Okay, let me stop recording.
escription text goes here
PS: In the midst of this challenging time I’ve been asking myself what I can do to help? One of the #1 ways I support my clients is by helping them simplify their business so that they can increase the flow of money without creating extra work. In this season simplified visibility and sales is needed more than ever.
So if you’re craving personal support as you reposition your free and paid work, I’d love to help you simplify your sales process so that you can produce income in your business even during a challenging time. If you want support you can check out my services and book a free discovery call here, or you can send me a DM on Instagram.