POV: Overcoming Comparison Coaching Session
Hello, my love. Have you been asking yourself, "Why does everyone else seem to have their shiz together so much more than me? Why am I feeling behind?" If you have been asking yourself these kinds of questions or comparing yourself to people on the internet or in real life, today's episode on overcoming comparison is just for you.
And, first of all, I just want to normalize that it's so easy to get stuck on comparison. I would say that most of my clients get stuck in comparison and it's usually something they only share privately with me. It's so normal if you feel like you're frustrated or sad or dissatisfied or jealous. These feelings are actually good because they're going to point you toward what you want and show you action steps to get there!
I hope this episode helps you turn something like comparison into momentum for change in your and your business.
Listen in on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google | Stitcher
Discussed in this episode:
Why it's normal to compare ourselves to others
Who are you comparing yourself to?
Reframing thoughts of comparison with affirmations
The importance of silencing the noise around as an entrepreneur
Re-establishing confidence in yourself
Resources:
Click here to read a transcript of this episode
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** This is a raw, unedited transcript
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello. My love. If you have been asking yourself, why does everyone else seem to have their SHS together so much more than me? Why am I feeling behind? If you find yourself asking these questions or comparing yourself to people on the internet or friends today's episode on over coming comparison is just for you. And just first of all, I just wanna normalize that it's so easy to get stuck in comparison. I would say most of my clients get stuck in comparison, but it is something that they share more privately with me. Right? I think there's like a lot of shame around it, but I just wanna say like, it's so normal. If you are feeling feelings of, um, or sadness or dissatisfaction or jealousy rate, all those things coming up, and I wanna tell you why <laugh> is actually a good thing. It's actually gonna be pointing you to some of your, um, desires and next action steps.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
And so I hope today's episode will help you turn something like comparison into some momentum in your business and it give you some ground for major breakthrough. Um, but first I have a challenge for you. I challenge you as you are listening to this podcast episode to journal while you listen. So if you are in the car or multitasking or doing dishes, like I usually do while I am listening to a podcast, feel free to listen through and process, but then afterwards, click on the Google doc that I'm gonna put in the show notes. And I want you to actually journal through what I am saying so that you can apply it because it's really not gonna make that major shift until you start to integrate it into your life. Um, and I want that for you. You guys know I've been doing, um, just some point of view coaching sessions, where I've been like doing one sided coaching with you, and I've been getting a lot of good feedback from you guys that you enjoy it.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Um, but for some of you, I've been hearing that like you need more space to process. And so that's why I wanna try this one a little bit different. I have five main questions that I want to ask you as your coach. Yes. My love I'm your a coach right now in this moment, right? You are going to get breakthrough. You know that I love a lot of these podcast episodes I've been doing for you with like tips and strategies and techniques. And I love giving you best practice. What I see working right now in the online space. Right? But I think the real biggest shifts I see for my clients, like the quantum leap type shifts are those that happen when I'm actually coaching them. And so that's my goal of episodes. Like this is that right now. I want you to consider me your coach.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
<laugh> I want you to know that my eyes, my attention, my love, my positive energy is all on you right now, so that you can get that quantum leap so that you can get that big breakthrough. And so if you feel like at every few weeks you've been struggling with this topic of comparison and feeling like you're behind feeling like, um, you know, oh, why, why haven't I figured this out yet? Why is everyone else so much more ahead of me? Like, if that's been a recurring theme for you, like, that's your sign that like this episode was made just for you and you need to take the time to process through this. Okay. So listen through, if you have your journal handy or the Google doc, I'm a big fan of like journaling and Google docs. Like I just am. Um, but I will li make all these questions available to you and I'm going to explain them process through them, give you you some, um, insight around them.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
And then you can pause the episode and journal as much as you need to. And I'm so excited to hear what pops up for you by the end. I know it's gonna be groundbreaking and shifting for you. And I think it's gonna point you to like a fun insight that you didn't realize by the end. Um, again, okay. So first I just wanna, again, normalize like the, what this is like, I think like one of the biggest gifts I see for my clients in cell with heart, the mastermind that I run is just feeling a little less crazy and a little more normal as they run their online businesses. Right? Like, so if you're a client in mine, you probably are like, yeah, of course everyone struggles with, you know, comparison. Of course you will struggle with imposter syndrome, of course, because you know, like you're around other that are dealing with that.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
But if you are not in a mastermind, if you are not with other high vibe women starting businesses, you might feel like a little bit crazy for things that are completely normal. Right. And so I think that's just such the gift of being in a safe coaching container is that you're able to see, like I'm not the only one struggling with this, right? Like it's, it's okay to struggle with this. I can release any shame or go around this. Um, another nugget I wanna say is like, I hear a lot of my clients around this really feeling like they're comparing themself. And I think a big reason is because of how the social media algorithm works and how our feed works, or we feel like everything is just everyone's at ahead of us. We're comparing ourself to our peers. We feel like, you know, whatever industry we're in is saturated.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
I always give this example of, um, clients of mine, for example, like a client of mine who was a, you know, a yoga teacher told me, Anna, I can't post about downward dog because everyone else right now on Instagram is posting around about downward dog. And I'm like, well, that's funny because literally I don't follow any yoga teachers except for, you know, you and like two other people. And I am not really seeing anyone posting about downward dog right now. Right. But for her and her feed, of course it would, you know, if you're following all yoga teachers, of course, it's gonna feel like where's their room for my voice because everyone is posting a out that right. Same thing. If you're like a child infant sleep consultant, right. Your feet is gonna be filled with other sleep consultants. Right. I even think about that even in like real life.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Right. Of course we're gonna surround people similar to us. So it's so easy to get feeling like things are noisy and comparing yourself, but just remember, right. Like I think about, for me, like I'm a business coach right. In the real world. I know no business coaches, none of my like mommy friends or business coaches, none of my family members are coaches or of any type. Right. And so I just think it's like so useful to remind ourselves, like it it's normal to compare ourselves, especially because like we create our own little micro, saturated worlds. Right. Um, okay. So let's dive into the question. So the first question I want you to ask yourself is when it comes to comparing yourself to others, right? First just name and identify, who are you comparing yourself to? And again, Y not, not feeling bad about it, right?
Speaker 1 (06:19):
It just is like, it's not right nor wrong. Right. I think we make ourselves wrong for our feelings and emotions sometimes instead of like, if you feel sad, if you feel mad, like we can't control how we feel, we can control what we do with those feelings. For example, if you're feeling angry, we shouldn't act on that anger and hurt someone. Right. If you're really sad, right? Like we don't have to make a business decision from that place of sadness. But I think like just allowing the feeling, so who are you comparing yourself to say it out loud right now? Or if you're journaling through this, write it in your Google doc, and then also write down, like, what thoughts are you having about that person? And again, not feel the it, right? Like, even if it's like a weird thought, just being like, this is just an objective thought, an automatic thought that I had.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
And then what feeling is coming up for me? This is just a feeling that I had. Right. I'm comparing myself to life, coach Susie. The thought I'm having is like, how dare is she I've been around much longer than her. I've been working much harder than her. Dare she. Right. I'm just making stuff up. Right. Maybe the feelings that come up are like a little bit of sadness, a little bit of grief, a little bit of anger. Right. Um, and then the other part is what thoughts are you having about yourself? Maybe it's a thought like, you know, why, why, why not me? Like, I work, I've been working just as hard or what's wrong with me or whatever, just comes up there, honestly, thinking and feeling, um, and just like allowing yourself to have that space. Right. The next question is, what thoughts do I want to have?
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Right. So you kind of like allowed yourself to share like how you are thinking and feeling. And then the opposite of that is like, what thoughts do you do you want to have, see other people win the next section. I'm gonna share some affirmations of like alternate beliefs that might be useful here. Um, and I want you to try them on for size, because for me, an affirmation that I see when I see other women rocking it, crushing it is I love seeing other women win. And to be honest with you guys, for the most part, I, I struggle with a lot of things in business, but like jealousy and or comparison, isn't a huge one that I struggle with for whatever reason. Um, but every once in a while I still do. And so that affirmation, I love seeing other women win is just such a good reminder for me to lock that belief in because I want to love it.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
I want to love, love seeing other women win. Another one is I love when other women show me what's possible for me, cuz at the core, like that's what it is. Right? Other people are able to show like whatever they have, you can have that too, if you believe it right. Another one is, um, I love sharing my wins because it shows others what is possible for them. So really affirming the converse, right? Other people are showing me what's possible for them. And I'm proud to show up and share what are my wins too, because I wanna show people what's possible for them. Right. Um, another affirmation as you're writing, those is around trusting your desires. Because what I find a lot of times comparison actually is, is a hidden desire, right? Either something we'll see someone else online and either secretly, maybe we want that thing, but we're afraid to ask for or afraid to believe that's available to us.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Right. Um, another thing is maybe we see something and we, we don't want that thing, but we want something similar or we don't want that thing, but we want something opposite. Right? We realize like, Ooh, that's her version. But actually that reminds me that I do want this version of it. Right. Um, so because of that two affirmations I have for you around this are I can us, my desires and it's safe to know what I want and to ask for it directly. Right. I find that the more I'm in tune with my path, my desires, my intuition, the less I'm comparing myself to other people. Right. I'm on my track. I'm on my lane. I have my blinders on. Right. I'm less concerned about what they're doing and more concerned about like, what do I want, what is happening with my work towards that?
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Am I staying focused? Am I staying in my own lane? Right. Um, another affirmation around this is an abundance affirmation. And that is, there is plenty of blank in the world, right? What is that blank that you need to affirm? There's plenty of money. There's plenty of happiness, right? There's plenty of great men, whatever it is that you are working on manifesting, right? There's plenty of it. This person getting it does not mean that I get less me getting it does not mean that other women can get that less. Right? The final set of affirmations around timing, right? I trust my path to success. I'm exactly where I need to be. Everything is happening at the perfect time. And if you are listening to this podcast episode right now, I believe wholeheartedly. This was not a mistake. And I want you to hear this message for you right now.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
If you take nothing else from this episode, you are at the right place. At the right time, you are exactly where you need to be. You need to trust you are on the right path right now in this moment, everything is happening at the perfect time for you. I know you're supposed to be journaling this out, but I want you to say this one out loud, everything is happening at the perfect time for me. I trust myself. I trust exactly where I am. I trust my timing, why this one is so key, right? Is when we fully believe that we're putting our energy into the present moment, able to be magnetic and make massive movement and action aligned action in our business, which we know creates money, right. Instead of getting locked up in the past, right? Uh, why am I so behind? Why did I do this thing back here? Why AMT I ahead? Why AMT I in this season ahead? Like that is not going to help you move forward at all. The best way to move forward is really by owning and believing. I am at the right place at the right time. I am right here in this moment. I can trust and I can take action from this place. Okay. So that was question set two, which was creating some affirmations for yourself, of things that you want to believe that will literally fight and like not comparison in the tooth. Okay. <laugh>
Speaker 2 (12:15):
I'm not gonna be bunching anyone, but if we were, that's what it would be. Okay. I'm thinking about losing teeth because my daughter just lost her tooth for the first time
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Last week.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
So cute. Just the tiniest little baby tooth.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Um, anyway, enough about teeth. Okay. Question set three is, is around comparing yourself to the past or future version of yourself. And this is exactly what I was talking about in the timing piece. Right? I think we don't just compare ourselves to others, but we compare ourselves to a version of us in the past future. What I mean by this right. Is often a lot of my clients are mamas, right? So often we compare ourselves to like when we didn't have children. And honestly like when you have kids, everything changes, right? You just have a lot less capacity for me. I not only have less time because I'm committed to working around 20 hours a week. I don't wanna work outside of that because I wanna have energy and attention for my children. Right. Not just that, but also like my mental energy. Like my children are a project.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
For example, I just have on my list, like I need to research what I wanna do for them for summer camp. Right. I need to, there's like a few parenting things I'm stuck on right now. And so I wanna like research some parenting stuff. I read parenting books, right? Like my energy goes there. And so I just have a little bit less capacity than potentially I would if I didn't have, uh, children. Right. But I think you can also believe for me. I believe that when I'm in alignment with my values, when I'm in spending my energy and time on the things that matter most to me, I can still get exactly the results I want to in my business. But I have to be honest with myself that I'm not the woman I used to be with with more time and energy and attention.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Right. Even if you don't have children, it might, you have a chronic illness right now. It might be that you're caring for an aging loved one. It might be that you're buying and renovating a house. It might be that you're traveling the world. Right. But being honest with yourself about the time energy you have so that you can make decisions based on reality. Right? Same thing with the future. Right. We don't wanna be locked up in, like, I hear this from my clients all the time. Oh, I'll launch that thing in the fall. When I have that more time. Oh, I'll start my business. When X, Y, Z happens. Oh, Anna I'll join, sell with heart in a year. When I, you know, finally this thing happens, right? That's not gonna happen. There's never gonna be a perfect time. Right. You're getting locked up in a past or future version of yourself instead of really looking at your, you are and what capacity you have right now.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Okay. Next I wanna talk about silencing the noise. This one is huge. Okay. I find that this is like a hack for you. If you're a coach, if your clients are coming to you and they're saying they are, um, struggling with comparison, or they are saying they feel behind, or they feel overwhelmed. This is for like coaches of any industry. A hundred percent. I would dive in right here and figure out what's noisy in their life because this is the like good slash bad news. The noise in your life is absolutely in your control to turn down the volume on. And it has to do with boundaries. You guys know if you have the phone detox, my little seven day audio course, I talk all about, um, phone boundaries, right? And this is like a related conversation to this, right? So if you are struggling with comparison, if you are a client of mine and you're telling me, you struggle with comparison, I will almost always ask you what's noisy in your life for right now.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
What's noisy. What's feeling the most noisy in your life. Usually my clients say Instagram, or usually my clients say this person, or usually my clients say like something in particular. So I do just like ask yourself that first, like what's feeling honestly, I guess just a good question for us to ask versus all the time. What's feeling noisy in my life. Particularly what I wrote in the journaling prompts for you. When it comes to your email inbox, when it comes to social media, when it comes to your time in the car, when it comes to the media you consume, when it comes to the people you talk to, what are what's noisy, what's feeling noisy right now. Then when you identify that at you can identify the actions you need to take AKA boundaries. For example, if your email inbox is feeling noisy, you might need an UN unsubscribe to some stuff, right?
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Or for me, I use, uh, folders so that when people send me their email newsletters, it automatically is going into folders and skipping my inbox so that when my mind said is strong and I'm in the mood, I can read email newsletters, right? Maybe on social media, you need to filter things. Maybe you need to mute some people on Instagram stories that you're comparing yourself to, right? Give yourself permission. Maybe you need to put in boundaries when it comes to the type of movies that you watch at night. Are they, are they life giving or are they putting you in a bad mood? You know what I mean? Like really give yourself permission to ask what boundaries do I need to put in place for others and myself so that I can make it easier on myself. Right? Of course, with like comparing myself to all these people on Instagram, I'm seeing their feeds all the time.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
And maybe for a month, I just need to silence the noise because here's the thing, my love you voice. We don't create, we feel like the noise, the world is noisy, right? You making space for your voice, your intuition, your brain space is the number one thing you can do to make money in your business, right? Yes. I think it's great to learn and to listen to podcasts, but I don't know about you, but when I am in the car and I'm able to like, not listen to music, not like have it in silence in the 20 minutes driving my kids, you know, after I drop them off, cuz they're noisy, <laugh> driving home. I get major insights and downloads. Right? I get content ideas. I get breakthroughs on decisions I need to make. As a CEO, I get visions for what I'm gonna do in the next level and phase of my business.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Right? But that comes from the white space that comes from when I sit down and do my daily check-in I have like a little journaling section and I'm free writing and journaling. Right? If you don't make space for your thoughts, your business is not gonna grow, move forward as fast as you, it to you. It's so important to have that space. Right? And so again, that's why it's so important to ask yourself, how can I silence the noise so that I can compare myself less, but also so that the downloads come through because at the end of the day, the most important voice you need to listen to in your business is yours. And a good coach will help you do that. Right? A good coaching session, ideally like this, right? Ideally like this journally is gonna get you to listen to you and your voice. That's my goal. When I'm mentoring my clients and sell with heart, right? In those podcast calls. When I am coaching those women, my goal is to help give them space. Of course, give them like tips and tricks and strategies, but also give them space to hear their voice, to hear their in tuition, to get those divine downloads and insights. Right. Okay. And finally, step five for overcoming comparison is reestablishing
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Confidence. This is my favorite one. This is another great one to ask your clients.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
If you are a coach
Speaker 2 (19:03):
That they're going to maybe hate you for <laugh> I always use my clients. I always say like, you're gonna hate
Speaker 1 (19:09):
Me for this. And reason I do that is because as a coach, like I like integrating play, you know, like I think, I think about like all the parenting experts that I follow, teach that a lot of times to get our children to break through problematic behavior, we can use play to hack that. Right? Like if we're like frustrated and trying to get our kids to put on their shoes, we can be like this little shoe monsters gonna eat your feet. I'm and like instantly demeanor changes. They're like, no, not the shoe monster. OK. Blah, blah. Like I think we can do that as coaches for our clients to integrating lightness and play intentionally. Right? Cause I think otherwise we get gridlocked in that more masculine side of our brain, right. Where we are making decisions and we're not using that more feminine playful side.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Right. The intuitive side, the connected side. And I think it can be so fun to do that. So because this is a harder task. Usually I play with my clients and I'll say something like, okay, you're not, you're gonna hate me for this, but here it is. Right. Write down five things. You're proud of yourself for and five things that you love about yourself. Right. As we're comparing and we're thinking about others, we need to just in the spot, like back on ourselves a little bit, right. And ask ourselves, it, it it's challenging. Right. But five things that you're proud of yourself for AKA accomplishments, things that you've done, things that you've learned. And then 10 things that you love about yourself. And those are more like being personality, just who you are innately in your soul. Um, and you
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Will be shocked after you write those down, how your demeanor changes, right?
Speaker 1 (20:39):
How you're a little bit less worried about what other people are doing, how you're putting that, that track that mind back on you. Okay. I hope this was helpful. So what I want you to do is journal through this. Let me know what comes up for you. And um, I can't wait to hear your breakthrough. Like literally email me and tell me how this was. Like, I wanna hear your insight. I wanna hear your breakthroughs. I wanna hear your biggest takeaway and that this is helpful for you. I would love times 10 to invite you to the next round of sell with heart. Feel free to join the wait list or help any free clarity call with me where I can help you through either one money mindset thing, one sales block, and you can get a feel for my coaching to see if private mentorship with me is a fit.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Honestly, I am so proud of this container sell with her. I've never seen anything like it on the online space. That really is a hybrid between high touch mentorship from me, where you are going to get my attention, my eyeballs on your business. I limit the size of the group so that I can be your private coach. But also again, that piece of sisterhood that I think just is missing for so much of us it's so can be hard to make friendships as an adult woman, right? Especially friend friends that get you friends that are ambitious friends that are working on their goals, like a safe space where you can cry, where you can celebrate. All of that, I think is the beauty and the magic of sell with heart. And I'm just so excited to open up a fresh group. Many of the women in sell with heart return round after round.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
But I do have a few spaces that open up each time. So I would love from the bottom of my heart to invite you, to consider private coaching and mentorship. If you know that you are ready this year to show up and make more money, make more sales online, but do it in an integrity filled way, do it alongside other women that care about making massive money, but also care about their values. Also care about their families, right? Also care about working part-time hours. All of that stuff is what we talk about every week. And I would just love to have you in the, a container with me. Okay. So yes, best way to do it is to hop on a free clarity call. Even if you're like, I'm not sure if I should do it this round or next year hop on a free clarity call.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
Anyway, those calls are just to get to know me and my coaching style better. And I would love to connect with you personally in that way. Okay. My love. Thank you so much for listening. I can't wait. See you journal again. Remember to check the show notes for the Google doc with these questions that you can process through. Anytime that you're struggling with comparison. But I honestly think like this is almost like a one and done thing that like, once you really dive deep, once, once you really give this a full 20 minutes, you're gonna really see a major breakthrough and then you'll just have to do like touchups from there. Okay. Yay. Okay. Best of luck. I cannot wait to hear how it goes. Have a beautiful rest of your day.
PS: In the midst of this challenging time I’ve been asking myself what I can do to help? One of the #1 ways I support my clients is by helping them simplify their business so that they can increase the flow of money without creating extra work. In this season simplified visibility and sales is needed more than ever.
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