Creating a Happy, Boring Life Through Regulation
Episode Summary:
I am so excited about this podcast episode that I’m bringing to you today, it is inspired by a post I actually did on my personal Facebook wall around being the most regulated, grounded person I know. The post went slightly viral in the sense that a lot of my friends were really drawn to it, engaged with it, and someone even wrote how triggered they were by it (which I love when something activates us in that way). So I just wanted to dive into this because I think it's the key to getting to multiple six figures in your business. Whether you're still trying to hit your first six figures or maybe you're past multi-six and you're going to the million dollar mark, I just feel like this skill of being grounded and regulated is everything when it comes to being a long-term profitable business owner, actually enjoying your business, and all the while creating your happy, boring life.
Topics Discussed:
How feeling regulated will help you be a better business owner, better boss, and help you create your happy, dream life
Symptoms to watch out for that point to not being grounded or regulated
10 of the things that Anna does to ground herself and actionable steps you can take to feel the same
A prayer for breakthrough for you to create more stability, peace, and calm in your life and business
Episode Resources:
Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google | Stitcher
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Anna Rapp (00:01):
Hi friends. I am so excited about this podcast episode I'm about to record for you. It is inspired by a post I actually did on my personal Facebook wall around being the most regulated, grounded person I know and it went lightly viral in the sense that like everyone really was drawn to it and someone even wrote how triggered they were by it, which I love when something activates us, right? So I just wanted to dive into this because I think it's so the key to getting to multiple six figures in your business and whether you're still trying to hit your first six figures or maybe you're past multi-six and you're going to the million dollar mark, I just feel like this skill of being grounded and regulated is everything when it comes to being a long-term profitable business owner and also enjoying your business <laugh>, right?
Anna Rapp (00:53):
That's the nice thing. It actually makes you more money but also makes you less miserable of a human in the process. It's like a win-win. I have been in the online space for over seven years now and consistently have been growing my business year over year and I'm really proud of that, right? I mean there are some years where I've like plateaued a little bit, but I've never had like a big dip or a big crash. Like I really feel like me and my business is the epitome of slow and stable and long-term growth. And so if that's something you're after wanting to make more and more money every year in a way that's really stable and peaceful on part-time hours, tune into this because I just feel like this is the message that you aren't hearing in the online space. And here's some symptoms that you might be following people online that aren't grounded and regulated.
Anna Rapp (01:41):
<Laugh>, right? You may have been in a group coaching container, you may have been following someone online, right? And no fault to theirs, but you may have felt left out or you may have felt like your needs weren't honored as a client or that you were too needy or that like there really wasn't space for you, right? That could be because the coach didn't have capacity, the business owner did not have capacity. If you had a day job where you really did not feel appreciated by your boss, it may have been less about, I think if we have stories of unworthiness, we make it about us and we're unlovable. But it could just be because your boss didn't, wasn't grounded and didn't have capacity. As a business owner, when we are grounded, when our cup is full, when we have capacity, we are such good team leaders.
Anna Rapp (02:24):
We are such good coaches and business owners for our clients, right? And I just think when we are treating our team right, when we are treating our clients right, when we are treating our family right, we're gonna be more fulfilled. It's just good all around. And so I just wanna have this conversation. I'm gonna read the post out and just permission for whatever brings up for you is welcome. Okay? So I'm gonna read the post to you and then I'm also gonna share with you 10 things that I do, 10 of the things I do to ground myself. And then I want you to make a list today of 10 things that are bringing you peace, that can bring you grounding energy so that you can start your journey towards this. And then finally, I want to read a prayer over you that I wrote for breakthrough.
Anna Rapp (03:12):
If this is something you've been wanting, if you've been wanting to be more grounded, more stable when it comes to your finances and your money or your partnership or your motherhood, like if you've been craving more peace, stability, calm, I have a prayer, I wanna read over you if that's okay. Okay. PO says, I am the most regulated grounded person I know. I read my kids a book chapter almost every night. I live alone with my kids, but I never feel afraid. I look at my spending and I'm intimate with my money. I am strong and I work out five times a week. I eat clean, but I also eat ice cream. I dance at least eight hours a week. This is my boring happy dream life and I have it because I gave myself permission to want more money and permission to make a ton of money.
Anna Rapp (04:01):
Women out there often say, I feel scattered and overwhelmed and I need to find more balance, but I don't need more money. You do need more money and owning that and that you need it and want it is the key to manifesting more of it. Money will not harm the people you love. Money will help you take better care of the people you love starting with you. Money will not change you. It will make a more grounded version of you. I promise. Obviously I could talk about this for like seven hours, but what I wanna say here is it's not about the money, right? What it is about having resources and self care. I talk about this in my book Freedom Fund a lot, right? So often women say like, I don't need money. Oh yeah, but I do have debt. Oh, but I do have ballet lessons.
Anna Rapp (04:42):
I wanna put my kids in. Oh, I wish I could afford a babysitter so I could do a date. And I with my husband, money is a resource. Money isn't good or bad, it's neutral, but it's a resource and it buys us lots of things including time and support. And really for me, money in the last three years especially has brought me a lot of grounding, a lot of grounding, stability. Because when you have enough money, guess what? You don't have to work that much, right? You're able to have time off. What do you do with time off? Things that you love? Ideally what is it happens when you're doing things you love, you're a happier person. <Laugh>. What happens when you're a happier person? You're more patient and kind. And when I am with my kids, I have energy for them, right? When I am responding to my clients, I am so excited to talk with them and I am lit up, right?
Anna Rapp (05:30):
So permission, you've heard me say it once, I'll say it again to sell because selling is what makes you money and money is what brings you stability and peace. Okay? Like not to simplify it, but like that's that. And I really feel like once I started embracing selling and finding a way to do it that didn't feel icky, just inviting people to my paid work and getting really committed and consistent with it, that's when I started making more. Like you talk about if you have candles for sale and you talk about the candles, you're gonna sell more candles, right? Whatever product you have for sale, if you talk about it more, we just have so much weirdness around it. Not in like a pushy way, not in a way where we're forcing people to buy our candles, but we're like, by the way, these are the best candles ever.
Anna Rapp (06:11):
And if you don't think you have the best candles ever, you probably shouldn't be selling candles. You probably switch this to a different product, right? I'm just saying candles, but you know what I mean? Like, and that is why I love helping women in the cell with her mastermind around making tweaks to anything they need to make in their product suite so they can shout it from the rooftops and sell the heck out of their offers so that they can serve women, make a ton of money and again, get to this place of being grounded. Because before you do that in business, the first little spurt of business, as you're getting visible, as you're selling, it's not gonna feel very grounding because you're taking a lot of risks, you're being vulnerable, you're putting yourself out there, you're making your first bit of cash. But I see way too many women hang out in that messy middle part of business for too long.
Anna Rapp (06:53):
How you escape it is by getting really good at selling, right? Because once you really start good at getting good at selling, once you start making a lot of sales, you have that cash infusion and you start to get some relief by hiring support, hiring help, right? Having a VA by yourself there, <laugh>, there is nothing that makes me appreciate my team more than when they take a vacation. I love when they take a vacation, right? But when they do and I'll like jump in and do a little admin, I'm like, oh, this will be fun. And then as soon as I do I'm like, this is not fun. I'm so glad I had the support. I'm so glad I had the help. And when you're playing in this messy middle season of business world, you're like making a little money but really not enough money to like make it sustainable to hire the team, right?
Anna Rapp (07:34):
That's where a queue can really burn yourself o out because you're doing a lot of stuff you don't want to be doing. Okay, so that was my pep talk and I just wanna say a few things about that post. Number one, the reason I wrote it is because I want to show you what's possible for you. It's possible for you to be super grounded and happy. I also wanted to say this is what makes me such a good business owner. And it's not the sexy answer, right? But because I am stable and fully funded and fully self cared, right? When we have money and when we are happy and when we are peaceful and we had that oxygen mask on first, like that is just really when we were taking the best care of our kids, of our partner, of our team, of our clients, right?
Anna Rapp (08:16):
And so permission to remember that this does not make you selfish working out five times a week, all the eight dancing, eight hours a week. Sure. I sometimes feel guilty about it. I still have fears around like, you know like am I <laugh>? Am you know, that balance of like how much do we devote to our kids? How much do we devote to ourselves? Like I still struggle with that balance, but I think it's just important to note that at the end of the day, taking care of yourself and in being a happy, grounded, peaceful human is the biggest gift you can give to the people you love. Right? Okay. So I made a little list of 10 things that are bringing me peace lately. And I think that this is important because this is basically many of the things that make me feel grounded and happy.
Anna Rapp (09:00):
A lot of times I see women expecting their business to make them grounded and happy. But I almost feel like it's the opposite. I feel like you need to be grounded and happy in your life and bring that energy into your business. Not that our business can't bring us happiness and fulfillment and peace, but at the end of the day it's a job, right? <Laugh>. And so I think when we expect this our business to like never have a hard moment or never have a difficult client or like we're just fooling ourselves, I always try to say like, do I enjoy 80% of my business? Yes, as long as I do great. Cuz I know if I worked a day job it would be like 30%, you know what I mean? So when you think about outside of your business, the things that bring you peace, stability, calm, what is that list?
Anna Rapp (09:41):
I'm gonna share my list with you, but I want you to literally get out a pen and paper and I want you to do write a list too. When I put this on Facebook, someone messaged me and said that they were gonna do this with their partner and make it together. I think that's so beautiful and knowing that we're all different, okay, 10 things bringing me peace lately. Number one, exercising hard or gentle. I am a big fan of moving my body. I just read a research article, I should have saved it on. Especially for how as women, we really need to move our body to process emotion. And I don't know about you, but I'm an emotional sensitive person. Emotions come up for me every day. Really good ones, really hard ones. You know, obviously like I have a ton of clients and so I'm also holding space for their emotions.
Anna Rapp (10:24):
So working out as one of the biggest ways that I really move my body and allow that emotion to move through me, to move through me, right? When I'm feeling at a particularly intense emotional, I'm often ask myself, okay, where I was feeling a little bit of jealousy the other day and I was like, Ooh, where is that jealousy living, right? Ooh, it's living in my throat. Just breathing into it and noticing, right? And I'm a huge fan of very intense workouts in this chapter. <Laugh>. I do hit and strength at the gym and I am obsessed. There was a week a few weeks ago that was kind of like a more challenging week for me personally for a few reasons. And I did hard workouts like four days in a row. Normally I don't do that, but I feel like my body needed it because my mind was overthinking and my mind was on overdrive.
Anna Rapp (11:14):
So the best thing I can do in that case is work and exhaust my body. And I find that that really helps me a lot. There have been other weeks where I have really had to go gentle where I'm either feeling sick or just feeling fatigued. Ooh, I remember a week a few weeks back before that where I was going through some hard things and I didn't feel like working out hard. I felt like taking it really easy. I felt very emotional. I felt tired. I felt like I took three naps, which is not like me, but I just really gave myself permission to do no hard workouts that week. And I think I did all versions of yoga classes that week and it felt so good. But notice the pattern is I was still moving my body. I'm not saying, I mean some people may decide like, hey, I don't wanna move my body at all today.
Anna Rapp (11:59):
But for me personally, what works best is to always be moving my body, but to allow myself to go harder or go more gentle, cannot recommend enough. Having a gym that you love, my gym here in San Diego, NAMA Day Fitness is amazing. Shout out to them. But the cool thing about them is they offer hard and gentle workouts. So it's kind of a one-stop shop for me. The other thing I tell myself that helps a lot with moving my body is just that I need to go to class, but that once I get there I can honor my body with what I need. What that means is, even if it's an intense workout, sometimes I'll just lay on my mat for five minutes and let everyone be like busting their butt around me. And I think some people don't like remember like you are the boss, right?
Anna Rapp (12:43):
It reminds me of that with like my coaching clients. Like you're allowed to ask for things like hey, instead of zoom can we do a phone call? Sure, right? Like you're allowed to like you are in charge, you are the client, you're allowed to be needy. So like when I am the client in that workout room, I don't have to do the workout. I can just sit on my mat and relax, right? I can walk outta the room and get some water right in a gentler class. If I wanna amp it up, I can do some pushups during my Chaturanga, right? Like just permission that you are in charge when you're in that room. Okay? Number two is morning time in my special corner. Since I moved to the new house, I have made a little special corner in my bedroom that has all the things that matter most to me.
Anna Rapp (13:24):
A little bulletin board of pictures of my friends and my family and my vision board. I have a handkerchief that I got on a little day trip with my girlfriends. I have some sensory things. I have my favorite books I shared on Instagram the other day that I used to think I was bad at meditating and that like dance and workout are my meditations. And I still sort of think that's true, but now I realize I'm just such a busy, busy body that I kind of needed something to do while I meditated. And so now having candles and essential oils and my favorite seashells and a picture from my, you know, my late mentor has been amazing and I have been using that meditation corner almost every day. Sometimes multiple times a day. Whenever I need a grounding moment, just has a little floor cushion I'll link.
Anna Rapp (14:12):
On Instagram I have a little highlight on stories that talks about my meditation corner, but permission to make it wherever. You know, my sweet best friend Jessica made hers at her desk cuz she's really working on journaling more, you know? And so permission to give yourself a space that's all yours, that's just yours. And that has been bringing me so much peace and happiness lately. It's kind of been wild. Next is prayer, prayer, prayer, prayer. You guys know my story. I grew up more conservative Christian and while I don't you know, resonate with being conservative anymore, I absolutely believe in God and my faith is so important to me. And I pray every morning in my daily check-in. I write my surrenders and ask God for help on the things in life I'm feeling really stuck on. I talk to God during the day when I'm afraid, when I'm worried, when I'm excited.
Anna Rapp (15:02):
And just that connection to that higher power and source energy, the universe, whatever you wanna call it, is just so important to me because as I feel like I carry the weight of the world as a single mama, as a business owner to a lot of clients, I'm very passionate about knowing that God is holding me and holding them and holding my kids is everything, is everything. As care people, as women that care, right? It's easy to go overboard and go into care taking and feel too much responsibility. And I find tapping into my faith and knowing that God loves me and cares for me but also cares for everyone else is super useful. And I just pray all the time and I recommend you try it if you haven't in a while. Again, I like to write my prayers down in a journal but it's just the things that I'm surrendering, like the things that I'm wanting.
Anna Rapp (15:50):
But I'm like I am taking action and I don't know what else to do. God, will you help me with these desires? I know that you love me. I know you have my best interest in heart and I'm asking for your help. I'm saying that I cannot do it alone and I'm asking for your guidance for you to work through other people for you to nudge my intuition. But will you guide me? Will you help me feel peaceful even though I'm talking about it? Next is journaling and or doing my daily check-ins. So as you guys know, I have Google doc where I, you know, check-in almost every day around six things. I do wins, I do gratitudes, I do my priorities, which is basically my daily plan and I allow myself to check in. And that daily routine is so useful in a business where like so much is up in the air having that practice and my clients that do this practice report back to me that it's just been game changing for them to have that central place and also gives them a space for them to bring things to me cuz they're like, Ooh, I did this in my daily check-in and I kind of wanna explore this with you more.
Anna Rapp (16:50):
Okay? Next thing that grounds me is dancing bachata. If you guys follow me on stories, you know, I cannot shut up about it. It's a Latin dance. I started only nine months ago but I, I saw a YouTube video of Janice and Zoe, they're two German dancers last summer and it just really captivated me and I did a lot of acting growing up. So that was my creative play and art form. But then I kind of started doing it for work so you know, it was also work. But as an adult I really had a full slash busy slash challenging decade of my twenties. So I think in my thirties as my kids were filing elementary school, I was like oh my gosh, like I have time. And what I've seen a lot of my clients do with businesses as they scale, if they have too much time, they blow up their business or like make extra work for themselves or find problems.
Anna Rapp (17:38):
So I was like I don't wanna do that. I wanna find a hobby or more. The hobby found me. So I dance, I said eight hours a week, which is probably more like 12 if we're being honest. And I am so thankful for dance. I remember when I first started dancing, I would just start crying in class because of how present, there's something about dance that really makes you be present in the moment and I would recommend you try taking a dance class. Maybe it's a painting class, maybe you wanna get back into roller skating, right? Like whatever feels like a hobby that literally is purposeless <laugh>. Which if you would've told me that three years ago, I would've been like, I don't have time for that. But it has just been a big joy and definitely brings me a lot of grounding, energy, peace, something that I can do where I'm not thinking about anyone or any anything else.
Anna Rapp (18:23):
I'm not thinking about my kids, I'm not thinking about my clients. I'm just able to be there in the moment and dance and I'm so thankful for it. Another thing that brings me peace is talking to my friends. I have the best friends. I did another post recently that talked about if you don't like your friends or your coach or your whatever, like get rid of them. Like or create space, right? Like remember you pick your friends and if you don't have a supportive girlfriend group number one, join my mastermind because you'll meet biz besties there but also permission to date friends and get to know people, right? Like I really see getting to know girlfriends just like dating a potential partner, right? You just ask them like Hey, do you wanna do a virtual coffee date? Hey, do you wanna meet up with a park and do a play date with their kids?
Anna Rapp (19:04):
And you don't have to say like, will you commit to me being my best friend forever? You can just say like, Hey, do you wanna hang out once? And then if it goes good you say Hey, do you wanna hang out again? Right? And then again for as long as it works. And then if you don't wanna hang out any longer, you don't have to. Like I am super attached to always having really supportive female friendships in my life but I'm not attached to who it is. It can ebb and flow and if you hold it loosely, you can have more intimacy with women than you thought possible. And if you've had wounds around women or your mom or female friendships, I wanna just say like it's safe for you to work on and heal that because my female friendships ground me like nothing else.
Anna Rapp (19:42):
Nothing else. I have kind of like two different groups of girlfriends of like we're kind of a group of three. That's been really nice cuz if someone's busy, the other one like kind of texts back or whatever. But having female friendships and having a space that just say like, Hey I'm having a hard moment. Will you send me a prayer where you send me a funny gif, right? Having support is everything and I don't know where I would be without my girlfriends. I really don't. Next I put is warm showers. I love a warm shower. <Laugh>, that's all I have to say. Eight is fresh sheets. I love fresh sheets, that's all I have to say. And also permission to make your bed your sacred beautiful space. I also put nine is chocolate. Mm. I'll leave my favorite type of chocolate for you and green tea.
Anna Rapp (20:28):
I'm a big fan of just taking a minute to drink your tea. Slow and enjoy that tea. Okay, did the last ones quick cuz they're just like basic but your turn is to write your 10 things. Obviously some were deeper, some were surface level and not, like if you're like a busy mom and you just had a newborn, like your list should probably not be dancing but chatta for 12 hours cause you don't got time for that, right? Maybe it is as simple for me. When I had my newborn baby, my mindset practice was just like listing three gratitudes, right? My delight was shower. That one is the same, right? Like permission to make your list for where you're at today for where you're at today, what can bring you peace. Keeping it top of mind I think is so important. Okay? next I wanna pray a prayer for breakthrough for you over you.
Anna Rapp (21:17):
If there is something that you've been wanting breakthrough in, whether it is finding this grounding energy or whatever is holding you back from getting grounded. Whether it is making more sales, taking on more clients. For me, another big thing was I struggled for a while of finding my dream team, right? I really went through a few VAs and was really sorting through how do I be a good manager? How do I have good boundaries? How do I accept support in my business? How do I embrace, you know, we embrace the skill of sales but we talk and sell with heart about also embracing the skill of SOPs and systems, right? And trusting ourselves that even as we scale our business, we can still keep our heart in it, it can still be us. It's safe to let go of control, right? So whatever you're needing breakthrough in, whether it's finding your dream team, finding dream clients, I'm just gonna pray this over you and I hope that it is supportive to you.
Anna Rapp (22:07):
And again, I wanna see your list. I wanna see your list. So write your 10, email it to me, tag me on social, do something. But I wanna see your list that's bringing you peace and permission to make the ability to be grounded and or fine grounding energy. I'm not saying I don't ever get ungrounded, I'm just saying when I do it doesn't last very long and it doesn't really shake me cuz I'm like, oh, okay, I'm ungrounded. I know how to get back to that space. I know how to get back to my homeostasis really quick because I'm there so much. For a lot of you, chaos might be your homeostasis, right? And so your body is gravitating back to that. But especially if you've grown up with trauma or anything like that, just reminding yourself it's safe to be safe, safe to be happy.
Anna Rapp (22:50):
I call it my happy boring dream life because it is a little boring, right? It's kind of routine. I eat the same oatmeal all the time, right? Like, but that is, I know what a lot of you are craving is the happiness is the peace, is the calm. It's safe for you to have that. Okay? Here's my prayer for you. Loves a prayer for breakthrough on something you've wanted a long, long time. There's room for me, there's room for my healing and happiness in. And then say the area out loud that you want breakthrough in. God, help me stop asking why the breakthrough hasn't happened to me yet. God, help me to start showing you with my words and actions. I'm ready now. I'm ready to surrender my ego, temporary comfort, my fears, my sense of control, my old identity, my
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Need to be hyper independent, my need for the approval of others. I'm ready now for the thing I've wanted so long. I realize that even though I have been wanting it, there are also parts of me that didn't want it, that are afraid of it, afraid of the change. But I know you're here to hold me and help me in the change. It's safe to grow. It's safe to expand. I am strong. I am resilient. I am supported. I am loved. I am safe. I am enough. I am gentle with myself. I am brilliant. I am radiant. I surrender now and am ready.
PS: In the midst of this challenging time I’ve been asking myself what I can do to help? One of the #1 ways I support my clients is by helping them simplify their business so that they can increase the flow of money without creating extra work. In this season simplified visibility and sales is needed more than ever.
So if you’re craving personal support as you reposition your free and paid work, I’d love to help you simplify your sales process so that you can produce income in your business even during a challenging time. If you want support you can check out my services and book a free discovery call here, or you can send me a DM on Instagram.