Live Coaching: Open the Money Floodgates by Releasing Shame
Episode Summary:
I’m obsessed with this client session that I’m replaying for you today and I think you’re going to love it! The theme is being supported and allowing yourself to receive money. As I’ve said before, money is a lens for everything else in our life, so with my dear client today we are talking about being independent as well as dependent in a beautiful way. There’s no way that I would be able to grow a six-figure business if I didn’t allow myself to settle into receiving whether that looked like team support, sending my clothes to a laundry service, investing in coaching, babysitters, etc.. So if you’re struggling to receive support, accept any type of monetary assistance, or even grow your business - this episode is for you. Remember, the more you receive, the more you can give, my love!
PS: I give away a free mini session every month, apply here.
Topics Discussed:
The importance of knowing where your money trauma comes from so that you can move past that and find more financial freedom
Two types of boundaries that we can hold with those that we love and remembering to use empathy
The reminder that your financial success does not define you and that money will always come and go
Reframing our mindset around asking for help, especially when it comes to money
How the health of our nervous system translates to the way we feel about money
Episode Resources:
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Get the book: $20K Freedom Fund™
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Anna Rapp (00:02):
So basically these 20 minutes are yours. So maybe tell me where you're, maybe some ideas of what you'd most like to do in session. Then we can pick one thing that feels like it would be the most potent for you.
Ticalle Andros (00:15):
Yeah. So I was reading over or like, you know, doing all that stuff and I think something that you asked for asked about, like, something about success, like where or what's keeping you from the next level success. And I think I wrote something like I was feeling shame just in, I guess in the area of my finances and just I've been in this season of of just like rebuilding just from moving to a different state and not having a job for nine months and then like using all my savings. And so I had, I was also feeling shame just in finances because of where, you know, I used to be as to where I am now and, and I'm, I'm better than I was a year ago, but I'm still in that rebuilding stage. So I think even with like success I, I think I just feel like some shame around that because of my finances, if that makes sense.
Anna Rapp (01:22):
Yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay. I think that's a great, I think that's a great place to dive in. If, if, let's say for a second I had a magic wand, which I don't unfortunately, but let's just say, and we were able to suddenly in 20 minutes remove all of your shame. Like, what impact do you think that that would make if whether it's over the next 20 minutes or the next six months, right? Like you're able to kind of unlock some of that. Like why is this so important to you?
Ticalle Andros (01:50):
Why success? Or, I'm so sorry.
Anna Rapp (01:52):
Why remove, like, like if somehow you were able to remove that shame, right? Yeah. Around money. Yeah. What difference do you think that would make for you in some of the areas of your life?
Ticalle Andros (02:03):
I think I would honestly feel, I think the difference would be the feeling of freedom. Mm. I feel like I'd feel just more Yeah. Lighter and more free because like, I think if people look at my life, I think it's successful, which it, which is, you know, in a sense it is. I just think the shame from finances, finances of where I was, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. And to, to like really starting it feels like at ground zero and now building up. I think that's really what it is because I'm like, I'm doing things and all that, you know, but it's just more so like Yeah. The freedom part.
Anna Rapp (02:53):
Yes. I love that. Why is the freedom important to you? What would you wanna do with that? Like, new frown freedom?
Ticalle Andros (03:00):
Yeah, it's important. Let's see. Sorry. It's important to me because like even as I'm talking to you, like thinking about the freedom, it feels like a weight is lifted, so it feels like I can just run full force and not feel like I'm shackled down or like stuck because when I tried to move forward in things, that's when the shame creeps in of like, well, you can't release this or do this because you are not at that place financially. Yeah. And so I think it's just important for me to feel that because it'll feel like, oh, weight, you know, has been lifted.
Anna Rapp (03:45):
Mm. I love that. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>, do you feel like what's keeping you like stuck or shackled is like particular experiences or particular things, thoughts you're having about you or other experiences you've had where other people have judged you? Or like where do you feel like most of that is coming from?
Ticalle Andros (04:03):
Yeah, you know, I was thinking about something similar like that today. And I think some of it is coming from my parents, just like their voices in my head. Yeah. And they, they knew where I was financially and then they knew, they don't know where I am now, like in rebuilding and obviously better than I was a year ago. But their voices and their assumptions and you know, being saying things like, oh, you, you can't do that. You don't ever have any money, which is not true. I'm like, things that I get to do, I'm like, I have money for, but you know, they'll just make comments of things that they don't even know or like involved in that part of my life. And so just like hearing their voice. I remember like a few years ago or so I was recovering from a really intense surgery, needed their help financially for a little bit and then paid them back as I always did. But but even with that, they still hold that against me of like, well, you weren't financially then or we've helped you and you can't afford this because you were having surgery, you know? And so still even hearing their voices so loud in my head, I think that is be what is holding me back or even producing shame cycle. Yeah. And
Anna Rapp (05:22):
I think it makes so
Ticalle Andros (05:23):
Much, cause I'll be like trying to do and make progress then I just hear their voices in my head or they'll just make comments just, and we don't even live in the same state. Yeah. But they'll just make comments. I won't even be talking about money or be like, oh, are you at work today? How much, how many hours are you working? How many are you? How much are you getting paid? And I'm like, it's not a, like, yes, I'm working, but it's also not only your business of how much I'm getting paid, I just don't involve them in that. Yes.
Anna Rapp (05:51):
Yes. Okay. This is so good. And giving you so much credit for like seeing and realizing that what comes up for me is like, I mean, I wish we could change our appearance, right? We wish we could, but since we can, right? Well, we cannot, there's like two types of boundaries, right? You probably have heard of this before, but like one boundary is like an external boundary, which is like, I'm not gonna talk to you anymore, or I'm not gonna talk to you about this topic anymore. Right? Yeah. Totally. Great to do those. Another fun boundary is an internal boundary. What that means is the only person that knows about it is you mm-hmm. <Affirmative>, right? So yes, you might still talk about things, but you are deciding kind of like water off a duck's back, right? Like you are no longer going to take to wait if maybe the comment will come here to the ear, but it's not going any further. Right? Yeah.
Ticalle Andros (06:40):
Yep.
Anna Rapp (06:41):
And so what comes up to me as like a, I don't know about your relationship with your parents in general, but if it's fine in like the other areas, right? Does this feel like some internal boundary work you can do to, and what the ironic thing is when we take, when we have that internal boundary and we take it less serious, I think they kind of notice too, and then they kind of step back a little bit. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, but when we're kind of taking it in and when we're believing it, like maybe there's a little shame and then it's like, ooh, well I kind of believe the shame so I'm kind of buying into it. Right. Instead of like, yeah, that's weird they said that. Cause I know it's not true. Anyway. How is mom doing? Like Yeah. Instead of like, oh my God, that's confirming the truth that I believe that I'm a crappy person. And like Yeah. Spiraling. And then they're like, see, I knew it. And then you're like, yeah, I knew it instead of like, what? Yeah. Anyway, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. What are your thoughts there?
Ticalle Andros (07:32):
Yeah, I think internal boundaries would be great because I'm just, yeah, I'm try, I have the external boundary of like, we're not talking about this. You guys
Ticalle Andros (07:43):
Like, listen, I'm thir I just turned 33. I am the only single one in my family. All my siblings are married. Yep. And so, and I've asked them like, Hey, you're not like this with any of my other siblings. And they're like, well, oh, they're, they're married, they don't, we wouldn't do. I'm like, but you can't just because I'm single, you can't do that. So the external, but I think the internal boundary is really helpful of just like not taking what they say to heart because they don't know my financial situation now and they're just saying things. And so <laugh> I think that's, that's really helpful for
Anna Rapp (08:21):
Me. And it's hard and it kind of sucks that like you have to be the bigger person, right? Yes. Because technically they're your parent. They should be. Yeah. But sometimes this is where I think we can try to apply some empathy, right? Yeah. We try to like apply some empathy. So where can we apply some empathy when it comes to your parents? Where can you say, of course they're behaving like that, it makes sense, it doesn't make it right and it's not cool. Yeah. And I'm not gonna believe them, but like, ooh, I'm gonna kind of have some empathy. Why, how can we be empathetic as they're acting in that way?
Ticalle Andros (08:54):
Yeah. I think to just remember in my head that they're trying to do the best they can <laugh>, you know? Yeah.
Anna Rapp (09:03):
With what,
Ticalle Andros (09:04):
You know, even if it's not it's
Anna Rapp (09:08):
Not working. Right. Yeah. <laugh>, I love that. Like they're, they're doing the best they can. And I mean, obviously I don't know your parents, but like maybe they're even mirroring insecurities or fears from their parents and from their parent, right? Like yeah. Being like, yeah, they're doing their best. Like, it's not coming out the right way, but they're trying to love me. They're doing their best. This is not the way, but
Ticalle Andros (09:29):
Yeah.
Anna Rapp (09:29):
They're trying their best. And what I know to be true about me and my money and my finances is what, what do you know to be true?
Ticalle Andros (09:37):
Yeah. That I'm a hard worker. That I'm making steps, even though it's slow progress, it feels like, it feels like I'm taking like one step forward, two steps back. But I'm still trying to be diligent and not giving up, you know? And that it's, I think I, I'm trying to remind myself that it's not gonna be this way forever. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>, like money comes and goes, you know?
Anna Rapp (10:08):
I love that. When you talk to your parents on the phone, where are you usually? Are you in the car or someone else? Somewhere else?
Ticalle Andros (10:14):
Either in the car or at my house. It really just depends. Yeah.
Anna Rapp (10:20):
So I love the, oh yeah, go ahead.
Ticalle Andros (10:22):
Oh, sorry. No, like No, you're fine. Sitting in the car or their house. Sometimes if the call, I'll be like, on the way home. So <laugh>, I'm just like, oh, I'm, you know, coming to my house, I gotta go, you know?
Anna Rapp (10:33):
Yeah, absolutely. Having those external boundaries, right? Yeah. But then maybe even putting on a sticky note, I love what you said, I'm a hard worker. I'm diligent, honestly, whether I'm a hundred K in debt or whether I have a hundred K in the bank, I'm a hard worker. I'm a diligent person. I have integrity. I'm a good woman. I'm proud of who I am. I love who I am. I'm a good,
Ticalle Andros (10:55):
Yes.
Anna Rapp (10:55):
I'm not perfect, but I'm a good person. Like I know that. Right. And like, honestly, yeah. Money is irrelevant. Yeah. Money is irrelevant. And you know, what if your parents, for whatever reason, again, empathy, empathy, empathy. Yeah. If they're not seeing it that same way, that's okay. Because Yeah. Sometimes there's people that we love that we don't see it eye to eye on everything with Yeah. Whether it's a friend or a parent or a child. Yeah. Like, we're gonna see things different and the way that you see money Yeah. Might be different and more free Yeah. Than how they see money. But I really believe, like, I really try to see, like, when I think about my parents, I know it's different, but like yeah. Every generation is hopefully getting healthier and healthier.
Ticalle Andros (11:37):
<Laugh>
Anna Rapp (11:37):
Yes. So like empathy that maybe they got stuck there, but like, yep, that's okay. I don't have to, right?
Ticalle Andros (11:45):
Yes. Yes. That's so good. And I keep, I like, I'll say this out loud sometimes of like my financial and I have to like take it like just do it even nor more, but like my financial success or not success <laugh> doesn't define me because, and I've told that to my parents before because I'm like, listen, I good person. Like I'm thriving in different, I'm thriving in a lot of different areas, but they can't see past the finance part. Yeah. And so they're like, well, you're not thriving because you're probably not making this the like throat amount. But then, you know, I've been realizing like they're not even making them out that they're trying to put on me. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative> and like, like how much is their financial stuff, like worries or whatever you wanna call it that they're putting at me is really like what they're, you know, dealing with. So I have to remind myself like my financial success, like I mean, or whatever, does not define me as a person because I could be a millionaire. Like overnight it happens to people or, but does that still, does that make me, you know, better?
Anna Rapp (13:02):
Doesn't change an ounce of who you are. Exactly.
Ticalle Andros (13:05):
And so I've been having to remind myself like it's a season. This doesn't define who you are. Like people love you, they don't care. No one in my life cares like about how much money I'm making.
Anna Rapp (13:20):
Yeah.
Ticalle Andros (13:21):
Only my only two people, which are my parents, but nobody else, you know? Yeah.
Anna Rapp (13:28):
And I think too, again, like it's so hard to get to this place, but I think like, I think there's three people who care about it. Your parents and you, because I think like you're still, so I think if we can get rid of the you Yeah. You're feeling guilty about it.
Ticalle Andros (13:42):
Yeah.
Anna Rapp (13:43):
Your parents are gonna be anonymous and like you said, like how much of their belief is about me or them.
Ticalle Andros (13:48):
Yeah.
Anna Rapp (13:48):
Like 99.999% of like what people per, it's all about our own stuff. Right. And again, like, I don't know your parents, but let's just say for a second, I'm assuming they're good people, right? Like yeah, it's probably coming from some sort of deep down good place. Yeah. We don't know how, and it's not really working, but like deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down, somehow they're trying their best over there, right?
Ticalle Andros (14:11):
Yes. Yes. So
Anna Rapp (14:12):
I think it's just being like, they're trying their best, they're doing their things. So I can energetically really ignore them now in that area. Yep. And do my own work around me keeping myself stock. Right. Me. Yeah. Okay. So another question I had for you is like, when you think back to that season when you did had a borrow of money for the medical thing, right? Or you did, like, how do you see, do you feel like you judge yourself for that season? Do you, like, how do you see that part of your life?
Ticalle Andros (14:42):
Yeah. You know, I don't feel like I did because I think because I, so I, I had endometriosis and so it like overtook my whole body. And so at that time I didn't, I didn't really focus on that because I was focusing on healing my body and recovering from this really intense surgery
Anna Rapp (15:07):
As you should. And so,
Ticalle Andros (15:08):
Right. You know? And so I was just thinking like, this is what parents do. Like, they're supposed to help their kids when they're in help, when they're in need. And so I didn't really like think, I didn't really put much thought into the financial part of that because, you know, at that time they were like, oh, we will help you with whatever you need and whatever. But I wasn't thinking I was in a different head space, you know? Then
Anna Rapp (15:34):
How do you see it now,
Ticalle Andros (15:37):
Now like, looking at it, I felt, I think now looking back at it, I'm like, oh, I felt helpless. Like I felt because I like doing things. I'm like, I, I, sometimes it's hard for me to accept help. And so at that time I felt help, like looking back, felt helpless of like, this sucks. I now have to rely on them to help me out for a little bit, even though it's their job as parents. But but yeah.
Anna Rapp (16:08):
Yeah. Do you, like, how do you want to, like what empathy can you give towards yourself when it comes to where you're at? Either financially now or in the past? Like, how do you wanna view that moving forward?
Ticalle Andros (16:22):
Yeah, I think I just wanna view it as like, a lot of it was out of my control and I got through and, and anyway. And I also wanna view it as like, it's okay to ask for help Mm. And not feel guilty or feel shame for asking for help.
Anna Rapp (16:49):
Yeah. What is your fam what, what do you feel like either your parents or like what do you feel like the message was growing up around asking for help?
Ticalle Andros (17:00):
I would have to explain. I felt like I've had to explain myself, like growing up. Like explain myself of, well why do you need help? Or why do you want this <laugh>? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>, it could be like anything, even as a kid as like teenager or whatever. Like, well, why? I'm like, why do I need to explain something that I want? Like why can't I just, yeah. You know, why can't I just have help? It was always this explaining. But also like, I think the shame of feeling for asking for help because mm-hmm. <Affirmative>. Yeah. The explaining, but also I'm like trying to think of the word also just like almost feeling bad for asking for help. They'd make you feel bad. Like, and be like, well we've, and then turn it against you. Like, well we've done, we've helped you like this and done so much for you and helped you with this. Like, and almost like feeling condemned when I would ask for help for it. Not even just finances, just anything it felt like
Anna Rapp (17:54):
Yeah. Which is so useful to see like, okay, this isn't really about money, this is about Yeah. This relationship of like independence versus dependence, right? Yeah. And I think like maybe your parents were coming at it from a good place of like, we want our daughter to be independent. We want her to be, we don't want her to to, I don't know, whatever it is. Right. But I think it's you as an adult, it's okay for you to say Okay. But every human, we all need to be independent, but we also, it's as humans, we're designed to be dependent. We're designed to help Yeah. And be helped to need each other in community, from safe people Right. That we can trust and that respect us.
Ticalle Andros (18:32):
Yeah.
Anna Rapp (18:32):
But for you to have that view of like, no, I believe that it's okay to be dependent. It's okay to need and to need others. And what are your thoughts on that?
Ticalle Andros (18:42):
Yeah, I think I'm learning that <laugh>, you know mm-hmm. <Affirmative> to just like, be okay to be dependent and asking for help. And, and in all areas they're like, even to the point of like asking for prayer, like I have really good friends in my life and like even just walking through some things and even asking them like, Hey, I'm not doing well. Can y'all pray for me? And even that's so small, but it's so big for me because I'm learning like, hey, there are people around you that wanna help. And even, even if I do get help to receive it, to just receive it and not feel bad for receiving it a gift or, you know,
Anna Rapp (19:24):
Yes. That your job is the receiver isn't to like, yeah, how can I pay them back? But like, how do I show gratitude? How do I show appreciation? And yeah, you're really doing them a favor because I don't know about you, but when someone asks for my help, I'm like, oh cool. I feel needed. Like, I feel important. I feel so when you ask someone else for help, you're saying, I trust you, I respect you. I, yeah, I, it's vulnerable to ask for help. So you're saying like, I trust you with my vulnerability.
Ticalle Andros (19:50):
Yeah. Yep. Wow. Yeah. And I even, because I love helping people, so I'll be like, let me help you. But when it's like the receiving part of it, I'm learning how to be a good receiver. I feel like in this season and it is vulnerable because I'm a giver is vulnerable to be a receiver and receive well and like you said, not trying to like pay them back with something else. Cause I'd be like, oh, thank you. What can I need for you? And just learn. Because that's how it felt like growing up. Like I received something, but it felt like even a gift it feel it would come back around and feel like mm-hmm. <Affirmative> strings attached. And so then I was like, well then I don't,
Anna Rapp (20:31):
No,
Ticalle Andros (20:32):
I don't wanna receive because I are you gonna like down the road, you know, have strings attached to it. Yes. So I'm learning how to be a good receiver
Anna Rapp (20:42):
<Laugh>. I love that. And maybe even an affirmation around it's safe for me to receive and ask, ask for help from healthy people.
Ticalle Andros (20:49):
Yes.
Anna Rapp (20:49):
Right. It's, I have a good hat on my shoulders. I have good intuition. I know who's a good friend to me and from those good people, it's safe and healthy for me to have a need to have a request to ask for help. And they can always say no. Right?
Ticalle Andros (21:05):
Yeah. Yep.
Anna Rapp (21:06):
Absolutely. But it's al it's safe for me to ask and it's safe for my friends to say yes or to say no.
Ticalle Andros (21:12):
Yes. Yes. That's so true.
Anna Rapp (21:17):
Okay, I have a homework assignment for you. Is that okay?
Ticalle Andros (21:19):
Yes.
Anna Rapp (21:20):
During my divorce, I'm a fairly independent person too, but I think God just really like humbled me when I was like moving across the state and like my life was in chaos and like I had no other option but to ask for help. You know what I
Ticalle Andros (21:34):
Mean? Yes. <laugh>. Yes.
Anna Rapp (21:36):
So I'm like, ok. So I started a list, a receiving list, and I started looking for evidence of all the ways that I was doing good at receiving. Right. Wow. So like one of my girlfriends helped me like pack up my house. Right? Right. So I wrote that down. I got in a car accident and another one of my girlfriends like DoorDash Pizza for me and my kids. Right. So I wrote that down. I was you know, we moved to a new school and one of the moms was like, I'll bring your son to the field trip cuz she knew I had to work. Right. So I wrote that down and I didn't do anything to pay these women back. Right. She just brought my son at the field trip and she was really happy to help me. Right.
Ticalle Andros (22:15):
Oh
Anna Rapp (22:15):
Yeah. My girlfriend ga bought me pizza and she wasn't like, okay, when are you gonna buy me pizza back? Right? Yeah. Yes. And so I started writing down, okay, these are the ways that I am seeing, or one of my clients got sick and canceled a call and it was a busy day for me. So I was like, okay, God, you cleared my day. Yeah.
Ticalle Andros (22:33):
Right. Yes.
Anna Rapp (22:34):
So just looking for evidence of ways that you already are receiving Yeah. And being grateful for it and showing that appreciation and just really looking for evidence there. What do you think?
Ticalle Andros (22:46):
I love that. Yes. That is so good. Cuz I, I'm a person who loves writing things down too. So if I can visually, like obviously you can see it in your head, but if I can visit visibly write it, I can't even talk visibly see it <laugh>. So like writing it down, I think that would be really helpful for me.
Anna Rapp (23:05):
And then that's your action, right? Is not like when I receive, how do I give it back to someone, but like, how do I appreciate, how do I stop and look them in the eyes and say, when you sent me pizza that meant so much to me. Thank you.
Ticalle Andros (23:20):
Yes.
Anna Rapp (23:20):
That's how we pay people back. Right. And when you do that, they're like, oh my
Ticalle Andros (23:24):
God, of course I'm happy. Oh, thank you. You're
Anna Rapp (23:28):
Thank, right? Like, it feels good to help people. Right. or for me, like I love to like kind of like write little prayers down to God. Like, God, thank you. I know that that was from you and that was a gift that you gave me and I wanna acknowledge that. Right?
Ticalle Andros (23:45):
Yes.
Anna Rapp (23:46):
And really affirming for your nervous system. There's no other shoe to drop when someone gives you something who's a healthy human.
Ticalle Andros (23:54):
Yes.
Anna Rapp (23:54):
That's it. It's for you to enjoy. It's not like there's a shoe to drop later and this is how we're gonna move it towards money too. Right? Yeah. I also want you to res write down when you receive money.
Ticalle Andros (24:04):
Okay.
Anna Rapp (24:05):
And trust that like, if your nervous system believes when I receive something, there's gonna be a fallout, there's gonna be an expectation. There's this weird thing that can translate to money too. Right?
Ticalle Andros (24:16):
Wow. Yeah.
Anna Rapp (24:17):
And so just affirming like, oh, someone gave me 20 bucks for my birthday, I received that money. Right? Like, oh, I picked up an extra shift at work. I made another 200 bucks. Right? Yeah. I'm gonna receive money. And it sa I love receiving money. I love to receive money, I love to save money. Right. I don't always have to spend it like it's safe for it to come in. That doesn't make me selfish. Like what are your thoughts around that piece?
Ticalle Andros (24:42):
I love that and I, I it feels good because I feel like you are giving me language <laugh>. Mm-Hmm <affirmative> like what I was explain inside like of just like even just the, again writing down the receiving money and not feeling for the shoe to drop. Cause I think even if I've gotten a gift or even money, like it was just my birthday last week and like I had friends just randomly so many gift cards and it was so sweet. I was like, thank you so much. But I think inside, like you said, like the nervous system, it's like, oh my god, is there something, does that mean something bad's happening? Yes. And what a sad way <laugh>. But then also like the whole spending and saving of like, it's safe for me to save money.
Anna Rapp (25:29):
Yeah.
Ticalle Andros (25:29):
You know, instead of like feeling out of control and feeling like, do I need to give this away because Yeah.
Anna Rapp (25:38):
Yes. And obviously right, like, because I don't have the magic wand, it's not a 20 minute fix, but I love the idea, idea of you sending an intention of like, okay, over the next six months I'm gonna heal this receiving and this money wound really, right? Yeah. Yeah. And like maybe it'll come in the form of some coaching. Maybe it'll come in the form of like a random podcast. Maybe it'll come in the form from like a girlfriend that says a little nugget, but I'm gonna keep journaling and I'm gonna keep believing that it's gonna be safe for me to reregulate my nervous system. Right. And the cool thing is like in life, money is just a mirror for the bigger thing, right? Yeah. So it's really like, yeah, I'm gonna practice receiving money, but really in general I'm just gonna practice receiving in general. Right.
Ticalle Andros (26:24):
Yeah. Yeah. I love that.
Anna Rapp (26:28):
Yeah. Yay. Okay. Tell me what you're most taking from session today. What are your, what's standing out to you? My love.
Ticalle Andros (26:35):
I think you're giving me language for what I've been trying to express. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative> outwardly. And I was like, like I don't have the language. So like, I think just hitting again on the receiving part was so big for me and just like the, the feeling of safety, even just around finances. Like it's okay to feel safe and not out of control. Yeah. Like you're out of like my nervous specifically like my nervous system <laugh>. Yes. You know? Yes. And so I think that was so big for me. Those two things are so big for me. And even I loved too that I'm gonna start practicing more is the like the internal boundary of just like when my parents come and talk to me about that because they will <laugh> like my dad literally called me midday today randomly, and I thought there was an emergency, so I was like, hey. And he's like, are you at work? And I'm like, yes I am. And he just, he wanna talk, try to talk to me something about my car, but I was like, you gotta texted me. He's like, oh, I just need to see if you were at work. I'm like, I go to work every day.
Anna Rapp (27:47):
<Laugh>. Yes.
Ticalle Andros (27:50):
Well I, we live states away from each other and why are you calling? Because if you know midday I'm like, oh there could be an emergency or something. But no, no, he was just saying I, but I think just that, that boundary, the internal boundary cuz I've had external with them, but internal of like, don't just let it bounce off you. They don't, they don't really know. They're just making assumptions.
Anna Rapp (28:18):
Yes. They're trying their best over there. What feels like a good visual for like the bounce off? Is it like water off a duck's back? Is it like a bouncy ball on the wall? Like what feels like a good visual there?
Ticalle Andros (28:33):
Honestly, a bouncy ball. <Laugh>, it's just like bouncing off. It's not bouncy balls don't stick, you know,
Anna Rapp (28:42):
And they go right back to the person too. Right. So you're like, okay, there's your like negative, anxious ener. It's really anxiety, right? Your parents are having some anxiety, they're trying to pass the anxiety to you and you're like, boop, I'm having a great day. So go take your anxiety back and feel free to come back when you're not feeling anxious. Right?
Ticalle Andros (29:01):
Yes, yes,
Anna Rapp (29:03):
Yes. It's the anxiety control almost always comes from like, you know, anxiety almost comes from like control, right? So it's like, yeah, you're having an anxious moment, we'll take your anxiety. I'll see you at Thanksgiving and we can enjoy some Turkey. Right?
Ticalle Andros (29:18):
Yes. <Laugh>. Yes, absolutely.
Anna Rapp (29:21):
I love that. Okay. You are lovely sending you so much love and credit for doing this work. Really so much credit to you.
Ticalle Andros (29:30):
Thank you so much. This was so great.
Anna Rapp (29:33):
Okay, you have a good Wednesday. Okay,
Ticalle Andros (29:36):
You, bye Bye.
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