Live Coaching: The Friendship Dating Mindset
Episode Summary:
I’m so excited to share a replay of this minute-coaching session with Aeoliana Elliott – we talk about something that isn’t directly lated to business, but one of my favorite topics – finding your core group of female friends. Since my divorce, I’ve made it a point to cultivate and nurture my friendships because they’ve been such a source of love, inspiration, and support that I’ve needed. I love to spend time with and celebrate my friends as often as I can and I believe that the relationships I have with them play a huge part in the success of my business. But what if female friendships are hard for you? Join Aoliana and I as we chat about overcoming this today on the podcast!
Topics Discussed:
Fighting the belief that you always have to do more or that you may not be doing the right thing
The reminder that we will always be working on ourselves, so you’re allowed to manifest desires as you are
Accepting the gratefulness of feminine energy and letting go of the doing, doing, doing of masculine energy
Reframing finding friends through “friendship dating” so that you can take more risks without obligation
About Aeoliana:
My name is Aeoliana (pronounced a-o-lee-ana), I am a podcast strategist and I own Top Shelf Virtual Services. I am originally from Puerto Rico, but have called the Tampa area my home for the past 30 plus years. I am a wife to my awesome hubby Danny, a hockey mom to my amazing son, Devdan. As a podcast strategist, I help new and seasoned podcasters launch and manage their podcasts by providing heart-centered strategies to grow and monetize their podcasts while authentically serving their audience - before that, I was a family and criminal paralegal for 20 years. I love all things hockey, true crime, listening to podcasts and learning all the things. When I’m not working, I love watching my son play hockey, the sound of a rainy day, a good movie marathon (Marvel, Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, etc.), binging a mindset or true crime podcast or just enjoying a good conversation and a hot cup of chai tea.
Connect with Aeoliana:
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Anna Rapp (00:03):
Yeah, we're good. And tell me what's on your heart. What do you most wanna talk about?
Aeoliana Elliott (00:08):
So, I don't know. I, one of the main things, I guess maybe like the whole relationship thing. Like not necessarily relationships, like with my husband and I, and my son and I, cuz those are good. But I've never, in my entire life, I've never been able to have like, a good group of girlfriends or like a solid group of friends, cuz I've always been like the guys girls. So I always hung out with guys, you know, cause I was into skateboarding and wrestling and hockey and, you know, now I'm a boy mom. And so, I mean, I'm fr I'm friends with the hockey moms, but like, this summer has been really difficult. And I think maybe I'm just internalizing the things my son, I guess I'm thinking because he's not getting invited to things and people are like doing things and he's not included and we're not included.
Aeoliana Elliott (01:03):
Like, we're not getting invited to stuff. And it's kinda like, well, is there something we are doing wrong on our end? Like, are we pushing people away because we have friends for like a year or two and then people just flake and just disappear? So I've never really had the opportunity to grow and nurture those just because people are no longer around, you know? And it's, you know, like from my end, my thoughts are, I try to like, engage. I try to call and, Hey, let's go do something. I try to plan, I try to set things up and there is no, like, there's no response back. So after a few tries, I'm like, you know, I can only do so much. You know, they always say partnerships are 50 50, but I think it's a hundred, a hundred, you know, because if you're not, if the other person's not giving their a hundred, then where's their other time going to if you're doing all the work. So, and I think that relates business wise because at some point I'm gonna have to learn how to nurture relationships, how to get into those close, you know, like building and nurturing and, and things like that. And I, I don't know if I know how to do that. Yeah. If that makes sense. Yeah.
Anna Rapp (02:26):
I love this question. I feel like I have heard this so often from so many women, right? And it's so interesting that like, sometimes this doesn't come to a head and we're not motivated to address it until it's like affecting us, right? Like, oh my God, like this is affecting my son now. Right. Or this is affecting my business and I do wanna figure out a way to have more feminine relationships with ease. I just don't know where, how to start.
Aeoliana Elliott (02:55):
Right?
Anna Rapp (02:57):
Right. You have come to the right place. Okay. So giving you credit for not making yourself wrong, right? Like, we all have strengths and weaknesses and, but just coming with the truth of like, okay, it's important to me and I have this desire to have more fluidity in my female female relationships. Or how would you say it?
Aeoliana Elliott (03:15):
Yeah, I mean, I would definitely like to just have more of that in my life. Like, I know growing up, like I said, because I was a guy's girl, I was always like, not from my point. Like, I was never competition. The guys that I was friends with, I was never interested in them in that way. Like, my best friend growing up was a guy from elementary school all the way through college. And, but I guess on from their end, it was weird that their boyfriend had a female best friend. You know, it was just, it was weird. And they, they were almost like, well, she's gonna move in and they've been together longer, you know? And so I, I guess all that mindset has come with me through the years where I try really hard not to be confrontational and not to be a threat in any way, but I'm a very known nonsense person.
Aeoliana Elliott (04:13):
My husband and I are very no nonsense. So what you see is what you get. So we don't like a lot of fluff. We don't like a lot of like small talk. Like, we like co real conversations. And I don't know if maybe the people we're attracting to begin with, like the fluff and like, you know, and then my husband sometimes say, he goes, people probably think that we have our together, <laugh>. And that, like, we never argue, we never fight, we never anything. And they don't know. They just assume that we have it all together. And so I guess they don't wanna like, I don't know. I don't know why people, I don't know if they're intimidated. I don't know if I'm pushing people away, I, I don't know. But I would like to have, cuz I know that's important. I know having those connections, those female connections are important because there's things that I could share with a girlfriend that I can't share with my husband no matter how close we are. We've been married for 18 years, you know, there's just some things that I can't talk to him about. And I would like to have someone that I could be open with. And right now, the online space and the women I've met is the only place I have that. Yeah. So, yeah. I I would like that.
Anna Rapp (05:32):
I love it. I agree. And I think you're so deserving of it, right? And it's like, I almost think having those outside outlets make you and hubby even closer, right? Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. Cause you have like, it just strengthens it. What comes up for me as like, whenever we're trying to like manifest a certain person into our life, whether it's a partner or a therapist or a employee or a client or a girlfriend, right? I think first is like getting clear on why you want it, and you've already said that. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>, right? And so I think the next is asking us like, we could approach this one of two ways. Number one, we can trust that like, these might sound opposite of each other, right. But like that you're enough and you're the, you're perfect as you are. And so you can manifest another human without having to change who you are. You're worthy. Yeah. Right? Like that's one truth. So we can talk about that. Right?
Aeoliana Elliott (06:20):
That's a big affirmation for me. I'm constantly like, I am enough is a big, big struggle for me. A big one.
Anna Rapp (06:28):
Yeah. Tell me why, tell me more.
Aeoliana Elliott (06:32):
I don't know. It's just always been, I'm, I'm the oldest of three. I'm the only girl in my family. I have two brothers and then everyone else has brothers. So, I mean, everyone else has boys. So growing up I always had to be like, I had to be the one to go to college. I had to be the one to get a good job. I had to be the one to be the responsible one, you know, not to make mistakes. Not, you know, cuz I was the leader. I was the first one. I was, you know, so constantly having to live up to that ideal and God bless my parents, they're wonderful. Yeah. But there was always in the back of my mind a feeling of I have to do more. Yeah. Or I'm not gonna be accepted or I'm not going to be, you know, like I'm not gonna be enough.
Aeoliana Elliott (07:19):
Yeah. and when I got married, it was the same thing. Like, my husband and I have not arguments, but we have disagreements sometimes cuz I don't think I'm a good enough wife. Like, I think I need to do more. And with my son, same thing. He's 11 and I'm constantly like, am I doing the right thing? Like, or am I gonna mess him up when he gets older because I did this one thing and I should have done something else. And I'm very lucky, I'm very blessed. I have a one wonderful husband who tells me how great I am all the time. And my son constantly, every minute, every chance he gets, mommy, yes buddy, I love you. Okay. No, but I love you more. You know, so I'm, I'm very blessed that I have that in my life to constantly remind me that I am good enough, that I am worthy. That, you know, God has placed these people in my life for a purpose. And that, you know, I didn't have to do anything. Just the simple fact that I'm here. These people have been placed into my life to be blessings to me and for me to be blessings to them. So, you know, that's, that's always been, I even thought about getting a tattoo of I am enough with a sunflower. I just haven't done it yet.
Anna Rapp (08:29):
I, I love that so much. And let's like, play with this first side for a second. Okay. I love that idea of you, like even the affirmation you said, God places the right people in my life at the right time mm-hmm. <Affirmative> and I am enough and I am worthy just as I am. So I think really playing with that, as you manifest some deep female friendships, which female friendships, like, I think about it just like regular dating, right? Like, it starts like, Hey, do you, you wanna meet at the park once? Do you wanna go on a coffee date? Right? And then if it goes good, you're like, do you wanna go on another coffee date? Right. Right. It goes good. Okay. Do you wanna do another, like, just letting it build over time, right? Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. And I love that idea of just affirming for yourself and maybe even if, even if even if you don't get a tattoo, like maybe putting it on a sticky note on your computer mm-hmm. <Affirmative>, the I am worthy, I'm enough, God will place the right girlfriends in my path at the right time, and I'm excited to meet them. Right?
Aeoliana Elliott (09:23):
Yeah. Yeah. I like that. I have a few of those on my phone, on my note cards. I'm like looking for, like, anytime I see anything that says I am enough, I'm like, I have to buy that. I'll put it in my Amazon cart. So yeah, that's, I like that. I like that. And I'll add the, the the, the god's placed people in my life, you know, and, and you know, God will place the right women in my life for friendships and I'm exactly where I need to be. Exactly who I need to be. And the right people are there just waiting for me to find them or they're looking for me.
Anna Rapp (09:59):
Yes. They want me too. Right. Yeah. I love that idea, idea too, of you asking yourself the question, if I believed I was enough, how would I be acting? Right? Mm-hmm. <Affirmative>, if I believed I was enough, I wouldn't have to ask for that affirmation. Right? Right. If I believed I was enough, like how can I act as if I am worthy, I am enough? What would that look like? Right. Which like brings me to the second half of the conversation, right. Have the conversation is just like knowing that we're worthy of good things as we are. I think about this as we like wanna attract clients, right? Like, or a partner, you know, people say like, oh, I need to work on myself more before I can date. Right. But like, we're always gonna be working on ourselves. Right? Right. So like, how can we believe that?
Anna Rapp (10:40):
Like we can manifest that thing now as we are. And the other truth of it is like, how do we keep improving ourself? Right? Right. So there's part A, are you ready for part B? Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. Okay. So I think part B would be really fun to look at, like, like you said, like who did you have to be growing up and honoring that version of you and being like, thank you for being that because you had to be, to survive to be wrong. Right? Right. Yeah. And not making yourself wrong and honoring maybe even writing that version of you a letter and thanking her for who she had to be. But also reminding you that like, you're in a different place now. Right. And you're safe. And you can maybe let go of a little bit of that. Like proving, accomplishing, achieving energy if you're wanting to attract, I really think attracting female friendships is like attracting a partner or attracting whatever. There's gonna be polarity, right? Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. So really looking at, if you're looking for these girlfriends that are gonna initiate with you more and invite you to things and organize and include you, then you're probably gonna have to step back that energy a little bit of the pursuing. Right. What are your thoughts on all that?
Aeoliana Elliott (11:56):
I like that I've, I I've been trying to work more on the feminine energy and the receiving and the just accepting I've always been very masculine energy, like doing, doing, doing. So I, I have been working on, on, you know, like being more grateful, having more gratitude. I'm agra more of a grateful heart, more of letting other people plan other people take the wheel and per se, and, and do things. So yeah. I, I really like that of, you know, just sitting back and receiving what other people have to give.
Anna Rapp (12:36):
What most intimidates you about a female friendship where the friend is organizing and planning or taking a little bit of charge and control?
Aeoliana Elliott (12:46):
Nothing really. I mean, I would, I would actually love if someone else took the lead. Yeah. I, I would actually love, I, I've taken the lead for so long, I don't know what it feels like to have someone else take it. So I would, I would love it if if someone else took the lead and said, Hey, we're gonna do this. Okay,
Anna Rapp (13:07):
Okay, great.
Aeoliana Elliott (13:08):
Let's see what
Anna Rapp (13:08):
That's like. Ok. So there, there's absolutely nothing intimidating about that. Or like, every bone in your body is like, that would be awesome.
Aeoliana Elliott (13:18):
Yes. But then I would be, in the back of my mind, I would be like, what if I don't like what they're doing
Anna Rapp (13:23):
Uhhuh? Or
Aeoliana Elliott (13:24):
Like, what if it's not like, I remember a group of, of girlfriends, one of the girls, the hockey moms set up a time to go to a place down here in Florida called the Dallas Bull. And I don't like country music, I don't like country dancing, I don't like, and so I was gonna go and then at the last minute I pulled out and I'm glad I did because they were up till like 4:00 AM and I had to go to work the next day. But things like that, like doing things that I don't enjoy because I'm not a very, like, I'm not good at putting on a mask. Yeah. So if I'm not having a good time, I don't want other people to not have a good time because I'm not having a good time. So I just pull myself from the situation and allow others to have a good time.
Anna Rapp (14:07):
Okay. If that makes sense. This is so I'm glad you gave this example, right, <laugh>. Cause I, I hear what you're saying. Right. But I think it's also like maybe a little bit of caretaking around like mm-hmm. <Affirmative>, I, I I need to always be this perfect. Having fun for people to like me. Like what if you went and you had a little bit of fun, but also you were a little bit of irritated and stood in the back of the, who cares? Like yeah. It's OK for you to be who you are. Like maybe you go catch a concert with someone and you're like, I don't really like the music. That's okay. They can still like the music. So I think it's just like allowing a little bit of your humanity and trusting that the women that you're gonna friendship date, they're grown women.
Anna Rapp (14:45):
Right. Right. Like, you don't have to baby them. Like, if they invite you to do something outside of your comfort zone, number one, go do it. Like just try. Right. Yeah. And if you don't like it either keep it to yourself or say something. But like, you don't have to be a robot. Like that's part of the dating friendship is seeing how it works. Maybe you go and it doesn't work, but maybe you go and you do like it. Right? Yeah. So I think maybe in this next phase, like when someone initiates with you saying yes and just trying and just allowing yourself to be a little out of control, a little bit vulnerable, what are your thoughts there?
Aeoliana Elliott (15:25):
Yeah, I like that because it's, it's also allowing me to say, this situation isn't what's important. It's building and fostering the, the friendship. So if they invited me, I may not like what we're doing, but I like the company
Anna Rapp (15:42):
<Laugh>. That was so good. That was so good. It's kinda like with my kids, right? To be honest, I don't love seeing all my kids' performances, but you bet I go to every one because I want them to know I'm there for them. Right. Right. So I think like that's ok. Right. And then long-term, obviously if someone, if you hate country music and someone's obsessed with country music, maybe it won't be a long-term match, but maybe it'll Right. Right. And it's like, you don't know, I always tell myself I'm doing romantic dating right now, so that's my lens. Right? Yes. I always try, there's like two things that make a good match. Right. Or one main thing, obviously like a little bit of like chemistry, like personality, but also value alignment, right? Yes. And honestly, that just takes time. Yeah. So I would go on like two friendship dates with someone before you make any judgements. Like go to the annoying concert. Do like, don't betray yourself. Like maybe you go and you leave at midnight cuz you need to get to bed. Like you can still be you. But I say like, take a little bit more risks. What are your thoughts?
Aeoliana Elliott (16:48):
I like that. I'm not a big risk taker. So that would definitely be something that I would be, I'd be willing to do. Cause friendship, friendship dating seems to me to be a little bit different than dating. Dating, you know, like I, I tell my husband all the time, I'm like, I can't imagine what dating would be like now because we've been together for so long. We've been together for 20 years and we met in middle school, so we were together in middle school too. So I just, yeah, I would, I would, I, I I think that, I think that's a safe space for me to take a risk if I'm in the mindset of that's what I'm doing. Like I'm learning from someone new versus the mindset I've had of it's one and like one and done kind of thing. Like, it's either all or nothing. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. So yeah. I think that would be a really good idea for me to jump in and, and be a little bit more risky with what I do and what I accept. Understanding that it's just an invitation.
Anna Rapp (17:47):
Yes. And it doesn't obligate you to anything long term. Just cuz you go to one country thing doesn't mean you're promising to be her bestie forever. Like Right. You're just saying like, yeah, I'll go to one thing with you. Right. And I think like every person you date, you learn something from, right? Yeah. You learn more about what you like and what you don't like. And I think like it's so beautiful that you have such a solid relationship with your hubby because he is your home base. Mm-Hmm. So you can have a little bit more of vulnerability and it's just gonna be fun to play with. Like, it is a little bit of lack of control and it is a little bit of like, will I look silly? Or like Yeah. But just being like that's relationships are vulnerable, you know? Yeah. But that's also the beauty.
Aeoliana Elliott (18:30):
Yeah. And I think too, my things, my hangups been, I don't, I've not, I've never really been vulnerable with anyone, so I kind of like have that facade of having it all together because I don't want people to really see me Yeah. As like, you know, broken and, and needing help and stuff. So that would be something that I would really need to be vulnerable with because I know people, people respond to that, people respond to the vulnerability and, you know, like, yeah, me too. I'm, I'm in the same boat kind of thing. Yeah. So I think that would help too, to just open up a little bit more.
Anna Rapp (19:07):
Yeah, exactly. Like you said, just a little more. And it might be as simple, it doesn't mean you have to tell 'em like your, like lifelong story. It could just mean like, I didn't really like these chicken tenders. Right. Yeah. Or like, like just being honest or like, you guys actually I'm gonna go to bed at midnight because I'm really tired. Right. Like Yeah. Just telling your truth Right. In the moment I think is powerful.
Aeoliana Elliott (19:30):
Yeah. Yeah. I can do that. I can, I can, I can jump in and do that. Yeah.
Anna Rapp (19:34):
Yes. I love it so much. I also think about it too, that is almost like a funnel, right? Like for me dating right now I don't make it wrong when I'm dating different guys and they don't all work out. Right? Right. So like I'm dating different guys and sometimes the guy will tell me like, I'm not feeling it, or sometimes I'll tell the guy like, I'm not feeling you. Right. Right. And the girl friendships is the same thing. And so like, let's say you challenge yourself in the next two months to hang out with five different women. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative> either, maybe they'll invite you, maybe you'll invite them. Right. But five new women you're gonna like hang out with. Right. Probably four out of those five aren't gonna be a fit. It's fine. Right. Right. And so don't feel bad if they don't re-invite you or you don't because the point is that you don't have a hundred best friends. We're just looking for like two really great females. Right? Yeah. Yeah. So I think just starting to put yourself out there and not make it wrong, that not everyone's a fit. What are your thoughts there?
Aeoliana Elliott (20:29):
Yeah, I like that. I like that because ironically I tell my son the same thing mm-hmm. <Affirmative>. But I don't listen to it. And my son's very, you know, he's like, mommy, I have, I have friends. I, you know, I, I'm good. I I have, you know, even though they don't invite me and I don't go places, I have friends, I'm okay. And so I just need to stay in that mindset of, you know, it's okay. You know, I, I have the people that I can go to when I need, you know, when I need support and I know who they are and you know, this is just for fun and just for meeting new people and seeing what fits, what's new, what's coming up and yeah. Yeah. I like that a lot.
Anna Rapp (21:08):
Yeah. And these women are gonna be so lucky to have you. I think it's gonna bring out a new part in you, not just in the female friendships, but I think in your marriage and your motherhood. I do think that, like, like we talked about, it wasn't safe for you to have that feminine energy growing up, but now it is. And so really playing with like, it, it's a little new, but it's gonna feel really fun to be loved and taken care of and invited in pursued. Right.
Aeoliana Elliott (21:36):
Yeah. Yeah. And you've had a lot to do with that. I'm gonna tell you that. Yeah. Your, your posts and your podcasts and just everything that you share and you say just have helped me to realize that I need to open up more and be more like, you know, heart-centered and more, you know, willing to receive and, but willing to give just as much as I receive and just being happy with where I am and content with where I am and realizing that, like you said, I am enough. I don't need to change anything about myself. I, I just need to be better for myself and not for anyone else's benefit because I'm exactly what ev when you know, what people need, the people that need what I have are out there and I don't need to change who I am to attract that.
Anna Rapp (22:27):
Mm-Hmm.
Aeoliana Elliott (22:28):
<Affirmative>. So thank you. You've been
Anna Rapp (22:35):
So glad. I love that affirmations that were coming up for me. As you were saying that besides the, like I love the one you said, which is like God will place the right people in front of me at the right time is just like with the right women, I can't screw it up. I have this belief with clients too, right. We always think like, I wanna say the right thing, but like with the right potential client, we can't screw it up. Like if we do say something wrong, we would apologize. Right. Like Right, right. But also with the wrong potential client, there's nothing we could say to get it. Right. Right. With the, with the wrong friend, anything we say is gonna be the wrong thing. Right. Right.
Aeoliana Elliott (23:12):
Yeah. So
Anna Rapp (23:13):
I think it's just really trusting, like it puts a little ease around like needing to be perfect or what if you were too vulnerable or what if you were not vulnerable enough, right? Yeah. Like as you're learning to be vulnerable, you're gonna make some mistakes, right. You're gonna be like, ooh, that was a little too much. Right. Yeah. But like that's okay because with the right friends, you know, I've even had to apologize to a client before and they were fine. Like with the right humans, it's okay for us to be imperfect cuz we, one of my favorite sayings from my coach Lacey, is I don't always get it right but I make it. Right.
Aeoliana Elliott (23:46):
Right. That's good at
Anna Rapp (23:47):
The end. The end. So knowing that we're not gonna be perfect, but we know how to make amends for things. Right. So I think just really keeping that energy and then having your action step be five to six dates, friendship dates over the next two months. Okay. Some might initiate with you, you might initiate with them, but just really starting to get in the practice of trying
Aeoliana Elliott (24:10):
Yeah, I can do that. Yeah. And just being more vulnerable too.
Anna Rapp (24:14):
Yeah,
Aeoliana Elliott (24:15):
Yeah. Yeah. Just opening up a little bit more. I'm kind of clo closeted, I'm, I yeah, yeah. Opening up more. I think the more I open up and it's funny cuz this online space has been really great for me cuz I've been able to open up without the judgment, you know, that I feel mm-hmm. <Affirmative>. And so the more I open up, the better I feel and the more and the less heaviness there is. Yeah. Because I'm sharing those parts of myself with other people. Mm-Hmm. So that's been, that's been really great and that's helped me, you know, business wise too, just opening up more and having more space to focus on the things that I want to do versus the things that I've done in the past that haven't worked out. Yeah. So that's, that's really been, that's really been great for me. So
Anna Rapp (25:01):
That's so beautiful. Something I like to play with too is just practically like when you are hanging out with a woman is like really seeing if there's like that even exchange, right? Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. So like how much am I talking versus how much are they talking? Right? Yeah. Am I, am I talking too much and do I need to like listen more and receive or, or they do or do I need to talk more? Like is there that balance? Are they being more v like do I need to be more vulnerable or do I need to be l like just really looking at what's that play in exchange and keeping it in balance. Just
Aeoliana Elliott (25:36):
Like a regular date.
Anna Rapp (25:38):
Just like a regular date <laugh>, I swear it's, see you didn't have to really do dating as an adult now you do.
Aeoliana Elliott (25:45):
No, I do and I now I get to do
Anna Rapp (25:47):
Date. You may even follow some like, dating influencers on Instagram. That's what I encourage a lot of my clients to do that are working on female friendships because it honestly is the same thing. It
Aeoliana Elliott (25:55):
Is, yeah.
Anna Rapp (25:56):
It is. And it applies to client stuff too, and just really playing with it is vulnerable work, but it is so worth it. It is so worth it because those female friendships you gain are gonna be so lucky to have you. You have such a beautiful heart. Thank you. And you, you are gonna learn so much from them too.
Aeoliana Elliott (26:14):
Yeah. I, I'm always, I I, my parents have always been telling me that everybody comes through your life for a season and for a reason. So whether they say because they're teaching you something positive or they're teaching you something negative, they're always teaching you something. You learn something from everyone. So I've Oh, I love that. Yeah.
Anna Rapp (26:38):
Thanks. I I know that's so true. Something I try to do too is I try to get attached to, I ask God like, okay, God, I always want strong female friendships, but I try to hold a little loosely who they are or how long they're in my life. I've had some friends like be really close to me for like three years and then we've kind of like drifted apart and I've allowed it and then we got really close again a few years later. And I think a lot of times people get so attached to one friendship, but it's remembering that like, God can bring us female friendship a lot of times it can last, but it's okay if it ebbs and flows. Maybe someone has a baby or someone, like being at same thing with clients. Like, I'm attached to being fully booked with clients and making a ton of money, but I'm not attached to who the client is. Right.
Aeoliana Elliott (27:22):
Right. It's just the, it's just making sure you're booked the, the, the bodies that are there. It's not Yeah. It's, it's not relevant. Who in specific it is just as it that there is that there will be,
Anna Rapp (27:33):
And that makes the friendship last longer because I think if there's too much attachment, the person can need space.
Aeoliana Elliott (27:39):
Right? Yeah.
Anna Rapp (27:40):
Yeah. Which sounds so weird, but the more detached you are from the friendship lasting forever, the longer it lasts. Right? Yeah. Because you allow that ebb and flow. Right. And so, not that we shouldn't put in the effort, but it's just trusting that like, okay, I'm gonna have good female friendships for forever. But some of them might ebb and flow a little bit and that, that's why it's kind of fun to have like three female friendships. Right? Because then it's okay if someone mo and if someone does distance themself, we don't make it wrong. Like that's because I'm a bad friend or I'm a horrible person, I have to po no, maybe they just got busy or maybe they got food poisoning. Right. Or like yeah. Like not taking it personal.
Aeoliana Elliott (28:20):
Yeah. That's, I've gotta work on not taking it personal. That's a definite one that I've gotta, that I've gotta look at and not take it cuz life happens. We, I've done it, you know? Yeah. I've been the friend that's kind of backed off because life has happened and it Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never thought about it that way.
Anna Rapp (28:37):
If that person let you drift, it's easy to come back. Right?
Aeoliana Elliott (28:39):
Yeah. Yeah. I never thought about it that way. I do it on my end. I never thought of, you know, the other end of it. So yeah, that's a good way of looking at it. Yeah.
Anna Rapp (28:48):
And it might hurt a little bit, like you're human it can hurt, but I just think it's being careful of what we making we can mean. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Tell me what you're most taking from session today. What's standing out to you as a rep?
Aeoliana Elliott (29:00):
Definitely <laugh> definitely that the right people. Like I can't mess it up with the right people. Like I can't mess it up with the right client. I can't mess it up with the right friend if they're the right person for me. You know, if God's put them in my path for the right reason, I can't mess it up. Whether we drift, whether we're close I, there's nothing I can do to stop that relationship or that, that relationship, you know, from happening. Whether it's a business, a friendship, whatever it is, there's nothing I can do to screw that up. Yeah. That's, that's, you know, really the, the thing that, that's really coming, coming up for me that it's, you know, it's, it's there for me. It's just a matter of me finding it or them finding me. So
Anna Rapp (29:47):
Yeah. That is so beautiful. I cannot wait to have you go on friend dates and try things that you've never done before. That's one thing I love about dating too, is like I, someone took me rock climbing, someone took me paddle boarding. Like things that I honestly like aren't necessarily my thing, but like we get to try it, right? Yeah. Like
Aeoliana Elliott (30:05):
That's the thing, check it off your bucket list.
Anna Rapp (30:06):
We get to know new humans and their likes and dislikes and so it just gets to be like, okay, I'm along for the ride, here we go. I might love or hate this, right?
Aeoliana Elliott (30:14):
Yep, yep. Definitely I can do that.
Anna Rapp (30:18):
We get to go see some country music that you hate. Like why just bring some of ear plugs, right? Yeah.
Aeoliana Elliott (30:22):
I'll prepare myself,
Anna Rapp (30:24):
Prepare myself, prepare
Aeoliana Elliott (30:25):
Yourself. <Laugh> I'll mentally prepare myself.
Anna Rapp (30:27):
I always say on dates I either have a great time or have a funny story. So,
Aeoliana Elliott (30:31):
You know, what's a great mindset? I like that. I like that we tell our son, it's like when he plays hockey, when you lose, it's like you don't lose, you either win or you learn. So I either have a good time or I learn what I don't like. <Laugh>
Anna Rapp (30:48):
The good mama. You are too. And I think this is really gonna, it's such this is the most important work you can do for your son is learning this yourself. Yeah. Right?
Aeoliana Elliott (30:57):
Yeah. Yeah. Cuz I definitely don't wanna pass this on him to constantly be like, you know, cuz right now he's fine with the friendships that he has and the time that he spends or doesn't spend, he's not like, you know, moping and I'm the one feeling bad that he doesn't have anything going on over the summer cuz he is an only child and I'm just like but you know, I'm like, I don't wanna manifest that for him. He's happy, he's, you know, he's fine. Yeah. It's all good. It's all good. So yeah. So thank you. Thank you.
Anna Rapp (31:25):
Yes. You're a gem. I hope you have a great day. Thank you for you. You too.
Aeoliana Elliott (31:28):
Thank you. Bye Anna.
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