Live Coaching: Visibility for a Parenting Coach
Episode Summary:
Today’s live coaching replay is a good one because it hits on two things that many of my clients face time and time again – the feeling that we have to be doing all the things all at once, and the fear that we will be just another voice in our industry. Parenting coach and school psychologist, Kenya Kistler, is joining us and it was so fun to workshop through these problems with her. I hope it resonates with you, too!
Topics Discussed:
When you have the gift for passion that is heavy and how this can cause stunted growth
How Kenya has a unique perspective as a coach for parents and a school psychologist
Overcoming the obstacle of feeling like just another voice in your niche and/or industry
Remembering that you can post a message or piece of content now and change it later if need be
The power of sharing a polarizing or controversial message
Creating a visibility plan that will help you be consistent and share your message with confidence
About Kenya:
Kenya Kistler is a Certified School Psychologist and Certified Parent Coach and a Mama of two boys. She has worked, for over a decade, supporting children and helping their important people (i.e. parents and teachers) understand their unique needs so that their education is individualized and appropriate. She currently takes that experience and combines it with her expertise in the brain-body connection underlying behavior and emotions. She supports parents and schools to adapt the way they respond to behaviors and emotions at home and in the classroom by using connection and co-regulation rather than control and punishment. Her mission is to help children grow to be emotionally healthy, deeply connected to their important people, and able to thrive at home, school, and in the world around them.
Connect with Kenya:
Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google | Stitcher
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Anna Rapp (00:04):
So why don't you tell me where I can most support you for the next 20 minutes? Where can we dive in?
Kenya Kistler (00:09):
Hmm. Yeah, I think the thing that I'm struggling with most is, one is like feeling like I have to solve everything, help everyone. And kind of figuring out how to scale that back. Yeah. And kinda getting stuck with the overwhelm of all the things I could do and leaving me with no focus on what I can actually do. <Laugh>.
Anna Rapp (00:34):
Yeah. Sometimes there's so much, it's like that paralysis, right? Yeah. Of like, there's so many options. There's so many things. Okay. Gimme a little bit more background on just like state of the union where you're at in life and business.
Kenya Kistler (00:47):
Yeah. So I'm a school psychologist. I've been a school psych for 13 years. I, I still practice. I've been a parent for six. So the, I'm kind of melding the two. I'm a parent coach and a school psychologist and I also teach actually at a local university. And so I'm kind of busy, but I'm trying to, the whole point of my business that I only got certified back in like November. So I'm very much still in the beginning stages and school psych. I don't anything about education. <Laugh>, the, the spring is the busiest time of year. So it's been a busy, I haven't really had a whole lot of time with my business, but it's just, I have seen the, I have seen the outcomes of children who do not have secure, safe relationships with adults in their life in the school setting.
Kenya Kistler (01:30):
And I, it, it breaks my heart to see them getting the message that they are bad or that they can't learn or that you know, just those messages. And it's just, it's really just reframing what they're communicating through their behavior. And it can't just be on parents because children are in school most of the day. It can't just be on school because children are coming into school with what happens at home. It really has to be a collaboration between the two. But I'm also well aware of the restrictions schools have right now with funding and resources and personnel. So I'm trying to figure out how do I, cuz I very much am a school education at heart person. I don't anticipate ever leaving that realm. But how do I support parents and teachers to make environments as safe and, and emotionally healthy as they can be for kids so they can show us what they're capable of doing.
Anna Rapp (02:21):
I just wanna say I love your heart so much and I know it's probably like obvious to you cuz you're in it day in and day out, but just like to reflect to you, you just have like such a beautiful pure passion. Like you just really is in you like one of those like born to do things of like, this is what I was called for and I just wanna acknowledge that because I think there's beauty in that, right? But I think it can also be heavy to carry, right? And like, versus someone that's just like, just doing a business to make money, right? Yeah. Not that it's bad, right? And, but I think also just acknowledging like, wow, like there's a gift in this burning passion, but also like, it it can be heavy to carry too. Does that feel true?
Kenya Kistler (03:00):
Yeah. Oh yeah. Which is I think where I'm also stuck is I, I have that in me. I also know other people don't, aren't ready for that. And so I often get pushback of you're asking us to do too much or we don't even know what you're talking about. Or, yeah. Like that kind of pushback of like, we're not there, we're not ready and it's uncomfortable for you to ask us to be there. So then I question like, am I asking too much? Like, is this like that? And then, and then I don't speak, I don't have my voice being as loud as it can be. Cause I'm like, I don't wanna, I don't wanna make people feel uncomfortable, but at the same time I think it's necessary to make any change. <Laugh>.
Anna Rapp (03:38):
Yes. So what comes up for me is, I dunno if this is true, but I've heard that like, goldfish only grow to the size of their tank that they're in. Have you heard that analogy?
Kenya Kistler (03:46):
Yeah, I have to. Yeah.
Anna Rapp (03:48):
So I think what could be happening is like, you're a goldfish in this small tank and you are getting big, right? Like you are a big fish in a tiny tank. And the cool thing about entrepreneurship is it's a big tank, right? Yeah. And you're about to be a tiny fish or already are and a big entrepreneur. And I think some of that is exciting, right? But also some of that can be intimidating as you forge your own path and potentially someday maybe leave your job and like go off into this bigger space. Like what are your thoughts around that?
Kenya Kistler (04:18):
Oh, that, yeah. I mean I think that's my fear. Like there's, there's predictability in cases. I'll always have cases to do my, and I actually have left full-time and I'm now working as an independent contractor to be home with my kids more. But that's like reliable and predictable. What's unknown is what I can do with schools, with classrooms, with teachers, with parents at homes. That's not reliable or predictable yet. And it's very hard for, I'm very risk averse to jump into that. But the possibility of what could be like that keeps me trying <laugh> even though it's really uncomfortable.
Anna Rapp (04:53):
So I think it might be useful in this next chapter to create a ton of affirmations around risk and around vulnerability and around like, and self, like rooting back into that self-trust of I trust myself to make mistakes. I trust myself to get messy. I trust myself to get visible. Right? Like, what are your thoughts on that?
Kenya Kistler (05:10):
Yeah, yeah. I, I I want to be more visible. I don't know how to, and in my logical brain being a school psychologist and a parent coach, I think that differentiates me. I'm not a clinical psychologist. I'm not, you know, it's very specific to learning in school. I don't, I don't wanna be a copycat of someone else. I don't wanna be just another voice in the parenting space. So it's just some of the things I wish I could say would be very like off putting. But I don't, I don't wanna push people away with what I have to say, but I also wanna stand out in what I wanna say and make it clear that I have a unique perspective being on the inside of schools and how this impacts kids in their learning. So yeah, being comfortable with putting myself out there, knowing that's what differentiates me, but not being so pushy that I, I don't, I push people away.
Anna Rapp (06:01):
Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>, I think there were so many gems in what you just said, <laugh>. And I think I love this is recorded cuz I would even listen back. I think you like gave yourself like a giant Ted talk in like 30 seconds <laugh>. And some of the things I wrote down is like, I don't wanna be another voice. And what comes up for me is like, maybe you are another voice. Like maybe we need a lot of voices saying the same thing about what children need to have, be emotionally safe and maybe it's okay that you're another voice. Right? What comes up to me about right about being off-putting, maybe your message will be a little bit of off-putting, but like that's maybe what some people need and if they choose to take it or not, that's their autonomous choice, right? Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>, you said like, I don't wanna push people away and like, yes.
Anna Rapp (06:42):
I think there is something to be said about making sure we're not speaking out of our own wounding or triggers, right? And being like emotionally clean, but also like we're, we're, we're these human vessels that are imperfect and maybe sometimes you will say something, it'll be a little too passionate or like, I have this belief that my coach gave me that's like with I can't mess it up with the right people. Oh yeah. Right. Yeah. Or like, I don't always get it right, but I always make it right. What that means is sometimes I put out a piece of content and then the next week I'm like, you know what, actually I changed my mind. Or actually that wasn't the right way to say it. Sometimes I'll say something to a client and I'll go back the next session and I'll be like, you know what? That wasn't super sensitive. I apologize. Right? Like, we're messy and we're humans and we try to do our best and we try to be ethical and we try to have boundaries, but also we're not perfect. Right? Yeah. What are your thoughts on all that?
Kenya Kistler (07:30):
No, I like what you said the first thing you said, I can't mess it up with the people that are right for me. Is that what you said? Yeah. That's a good one. I'm gonna write that down.
Anna Rapp (07:38):
Yeah. Right. Like with the people that are wrong for me, there's nothing I could say that will make them happy, right? Yeah. Like for the people that follow me on social that like really don't like me, even if I say something perfect is gonna, they're not gonna like it, right. For the people that are, I'm the right coach for my people. Right? And that's all that I need. Yeah.
Kenya Kistler (07:56):
So, and also what you said was helpful because it actually is me doing the exact same thing I'm trying to teach children, which is to repair and regulate and acknowledge and be flexible and yeah. Self-Awareness. So just the way you put it, I was like, oh that's exactly right. The line
Anna Rapp (08:13):
That I love that. And so being like, I'm actually already a master at that in this area, so how do I bring it into this new area that feels a little sticky, right? Which is mm-hmm <affirmative> and I love that you applied it. I think about that for me, right? I've really mastered a lot of this stuff in business, but for me, I'm dating so I'm really trying to apply a lot of that to my dating, right? Or I think about what I've learned in motherhood and how do I apply that to dance, right? Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. So I love that idea of you borrowing, what would you say from having mastered a lot of that in your parenting, how can you apply that to this chapter of getting visible and growing your business?
Kenya Kistler (08:49):
Oh
Anna Rapp (08:51):
Just shut, just, just some light questions.
Kenya Kistler (08:53):
Yeah. <Laugh>. And I'm like not on the spot processor, I need time to process. I mean I think the thing that you said there was important of, I, I know that I'm not gonna get it right a hundred percent of the time with my kids, so I don't even try during the day. I'm like, I'm gonna show up and do the best I can and I, at some point during the day I'm gonna say I'm sorry or I'm gonna say, wait a second. That's not, I think we can be flexible here. And I think having that mindset of I'm gonna put out what I feel good about and I'm gonna say the message I think is important to say, and I can always amend it later as I'm growing, I guess because I, I am learning new things all the time. Which I don't, I mean maybe it doesn't reflect poorly on me. So yeah, I think that's how I would apply that.
Anna Rapp (09:36):
I think it actually reflects really good on you. Like for me, I wanna be following people online where they're like, actually I learned something new. Or actually there is this new piece of research or act like that's ni like we don't wanna boss who's like, I'm perfect and I never screw up. Right. Ew.
Kenya Kistler (09:51):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that makes sense.
Anna Rapp (09:57):
Okay, so before we get a little granular and talk about maybe a little bit of visibility actions for you, what, from that first part of our talk, what's most standing out to your heart that you wanna take with you?
Kenya Kistler (10:13):
I think trusting that what I have to say is important. Even if it's similar to what other people are saying and that there, there are people out there that will resonate with that. I just have to trust that they're there and I can, I can always change my voice as I learn more. Yeah. I think that's what sticks with me.
Anna Rapp (10:35):
I love that. So tell me how, what are you doing currently for visibility and what do you wanna like commit to for the next 30 days so we can get this message that you're passionate about out to the masses? <Laugh>.
Kenya Kistler (10:48):
Well, right now I'm just I'm like, I'm sort of redoing my website cause I don't, I used like a template before and I just didn't really think it, it fit. So I've been really focusing on the copy more. And so I'm changing that up, but I'm, I'm really just on Instagram right now and posting there, I'm not really doing well at like, the selling part of it and just like sharing information cuz I don't have a whole lot of in the back of like the systems in place to like host a webinar and have the email sequences and all this kind of stuff. So that's kind of where I am with that in the website. And then, I mean, I have such a huge group of people, like speech therapists, OTs, teachers, counselors, like so many people I could, I have referral, you know, avenues. I just haven't yet taken the step of specifically asking them if you have anyone send them my way. It's like an untapped right now.
Anna Rapp (11:42):
Yes. And remind me like you have a clear offer, like if someone wanted to hire you outside of your day job realm. Yep. Do you have a clear offer they could pay you money for?
Kenya Kistler (11:51):
Yes. yeah, I have one that specifically focuses on behavior, understanding behavior, understanding how to co-regulate, and one that's more like sort of restructuring your parenting, not restructuring, but like really tapping into your intuition as a parent and understanding like it's about the relationship with your child, yourself and your child. That's k and then I also, this is, I'm still working on offerings. I have one that's specific to parents of children in special education to help them understand the special education paperwork, but also now what do I do at home to coach them in their emotional wellbeing? That's my other one.
Anna Rapp (12:27):
I love that. Just such good work. How often do you post on Instagram right now?
Kenya Kistler (12:34):
I, I'm trying to do every day doing something. But then, you know, life catches up, it'll be a few days. I don't post anything. I tend to be better when I've posted on like, stories of what is it that someone wants, like people wanna know about. And then I'll have like an idea for the week to go off of. I don't really have a set calendar other than that.
Anna Rapp (12:53):
Like in the last gimme a ballpark of like how many times you've posted in the last 30 days.
Kenya Kistler (13:00):
Probably 20.
Anna Rapp (13:01):
Okay, amazing. Yeah. So you're visible, right? Yeah. Which is so beautiful to like give yourself credit around like a invisible, right? Yeah. So what comes up for me is like, how do we start getting more strateg either bold in your message, like you said earlier, like, ooh, those things that like, I really wanna say, but like, should I say it? Like, do you feel like we need to either get more bold in your message so that we can grow your audience or do you feel like no, Anna, I have a big audience, I just need to be selling more so they buy?
Kenya Kistler (13:29):
No, I don't have a, I mean I have like, I don't know what's big, it's a relative. I have like a hundred people that follow me on Instagram and so it's not that big. So probably that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And
Anna Rapp (13:40):
Of course we can always work on like selling, but it's like we need more people to sell to, right? Yeah. Yeah.
Kenya Kistler (13:44):
So
Anna Rapp (13:44):
I love the idea of maybe like two tiny actions in the next 30 days to grow your audience. What do you think about being a little more controversial?
Kenya Kistler (13:57):
<Laugh>? I, yeah, I mean I can, I I I am, I'm fine putting it out there. I think it's the <laugh>, it's like, so I don't, I just don't, I've never been a social media person. Like it's really like even my personal account, I, I post like five times a year right? On birthdays and holidays. Yeah, yeah. So I'm doing way more here. But yeah, I guess it's, there's no fee. I guess I don't get feedback that tells me what I'm putting out there is resonating. So I'm like, do I keep putting this out or something else out? It's the feedback I don't get that's like, oh yeah, this, I want more of this. So maybe if I started doing it, I would get feedback. I guess that's the question.
Anna Rapp (14:34):
Yes. I think until you have more of an audience, it just hard because there isnt really the people there to give you the feedback, right? Yeah. So it wouldn't focus too much on that. I would focus on like, okay, how do I grow my audience by like a hundred people? Like I have a hundred, how do I get to 200? And it's by creating content that's a little bit more polarizing so that people share it and resonate or don't, not that you have to like purposefully be offensive. Right. Do you show, like, when you're posting, are you showing your face very much or is it mostly graphics?
Kenya Kistler (15:04):
No, it's combination of both. Like, I just posted a reel today, that's me. So.
Anna Rapp (15:09):
Okay, great. What feels like one of my clients recently like just did this little Google doc for herself that was like all her opinions and she was like, Anna, I don't know if I wanna share all these with the world yet, but at least I'm gonna like write a doc of my opinion so that I at least know what I think myself. Yeah. What do you think about doing a doc like that?
Kenya Kistler (15:27):
Yeah, I could do that. Yeah.
Anna Rapp (15:30):
I believe, I think about like, especially when it comes to parenting children. Like what are some of those stands that you are willing to take a stand for online potentially?
Kenya Kistler (15:42):
Yeah. I mean I think children are equally deserving of respect as other human beings <laugh>. I don't think we should use our power as adults to try to control them. I think school should be just as safe a place as home if you establish a secure attachment. I think, I think we should <laugh> do away with the focus on academics and focus on relational and emotional safety. Not do away, but like that shouldn't be our main focus because they really can't learn unless they're, they feel safe. I, I don't know. I think, I think par I think at parents can change the, the world cause we're essentially affecting the next generation of people. Like that's kind of the stuff I would think about.
Anna Rapp (16:23):
Yes. So I love the idea of getting a Google doc and doing that. And I do like the idea of you doing the school things, but especially the non-school things too, because if you're trying to like build up that side of your income, so thinking about like, what do I believe when it comes to children, when it comes to parenting? What are the truths I wish more people knew. Yeah. When do you think you can do that doc by?
Kenya Kistler (16:46):
Oh, I could probably have that done by tomorrow.
Anna Rapp (16:49):
Easy, right? Yeah. And I would just really push yourself to like jot as many as you can down. It doesn't mean you have to share them, right? But it's almost just drafting around like what do I believe? What do I think? And then if you can posting more like reels of you talking with more of that type of content.
Kenya Kistler (17:06):
Okay. Yeah. I could do that. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>, I could. Yeah. The the <laugh> the making it look nice in the graphics and it should be careful. Like sometimes it's like I just wanna like talk about it. I'm, I'm much, I'm much more comfortable doing a workshop or a presentation or something like that than I am posting something on <laugh>.
Anna Rapp (17:27):
Yes. Are some of your reels just like you talking for 30 seconds and saying a point?
Kenya Kistler (17:31):
Yeah, they're actually, I am so wordy. They're, none of them are 30 seconds really? But it's, yeah, it's like making a point or sharing information or making something just clear because it doesn't come off right two dimensionally on a piece of, you know, on a, on a, on a scrolling carousel. So yeah. Or like, you know, text over some sort of like, my kids usually like something they're doing or just whatever it is. But yeah,
Anna Rapp (17:57):
I love that. I think that that's perfect. Like you just being you. Right? Something I do for my real sometimes too is I'll like brain dorm, brain dump, but then I'll script out the 32nd thing I wanna say. Cause I'm not the most concise person, so I'll put the brain dump as the, as the caption, right? But then the actual reel is just like 20 seconds of a simple point.
Kenya Kistler (18:21):
Okay. So
Anna Rapp (18:22):
I'll like brain dump and then I'll be like, Ooh. But this is the one thing that's gonna make the most impact when it comes to what your parents are wanting. Right? Why is this important to the person watching? What are they most wanting? Well, they're wanting to be more connected with their kid. They're wanting their kid to behave better. They're wanting to yell us at their kids. Like what's that surface thing and how can I connect what I'm doing with that? Right? Mm-hmm. <Affirmative>.
Kenya Kistler (18:46):
Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. Yeah. No, that makes sense. Mine are longer than that. So maybe I should just hone it in on like that piece and then leave the rest for the caption.
Anna Rapp (18:56):
Exactly. Do the big thing for the caption and then I would sh I would even try to do like maybe even a 22nd reel and you can always say like, Hey, there's more in the comments, right?
Kenya Kistler (19:06):
Yeah. Yeah. I could try that. I could do that. Yeah,
Anna Rapp (19:10):
Just draw them in with that. Like, writing the big post, what's the sexiest thing I said? And how do I just say that? Concise point
Kenya Kistler (19:17):
Uhhuh. So that makes sense. I'll try that.
Anna Rapp (19:21):
Okay. Let's practice right here and then I'll, we can wrap up. What would be, when you think about like a concise point that you could make, what would be one?
Kenya Kistler (19:30):
<Laugh>, this is an area work for me cause I'm not concise.
Anna Rapp (19:36):
Today I wanna remind you mama, that what would be one simple reminder?
Kenya Kistler (19:47):
My God, this is so hard.
Anna Rapp (19:53):
There's a mama, she's in your office, she's overwhelmed. She doesn't have the mental space for nine paragraphs. She just needs one sentence to get her through the day. What is it
Kenya Kistler (20:03):
Your kids just want you, no matter what that looks like,
Anna Rapp (20:07):
That's gonna make me cry. <Laugh>, right? That, so that could be the real, Hey mama today, just wanna remind you, whatever you have going on, your kids just want you, no matter what that looks like, read the comment for more and then you've captured her attention and she'll actually be aware enough to read everything. Yeah. Right? Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>, she's overwhelmed. She's probably a little dysregulated. And so that's the best way we can help our clients is by organizing our own thoughts to tell her the most important thing and then we can share more in detail.
Kenya Kistler (20:42):
That's good. I I'll have to use that because I, that's, it's a different way, way of looking at it. I haven't approached it that way before. So that's helpful.
Anna Rapp (20:50):
And it's a gift, right? It's almost like maybe there's like a challenge we're having with our kid on something and we take the time to like pray about it or journal it out and then we come to them with the solution, right? We've done all the, the, the labor, right? Yeah. Same thing with our clients, with our audience. We do the labor so that our content is easy to digest. It's simple. Right? like we're doing that labor
Kenya Kistler (21:16):
Yeah. On their behalf. Makes sense. Yeah.
Anna Rapp (21:19):
Okay. So maybe a week. What if we try like a week of reels? Obviously you can take the weekend off, but like of 22nd reels just to like play with that type of content.
Kenya Kistler (21:30):
Yeah, I think I'm gonna write this down, but I think I'm gonna try the the brain dump and then the reels here. Yeah. The ma that'd be my, my task of the week here. Yes.
Anna Rapp (21:40):
But I like the longer the brain dump that you did, I like, like keep that full cuz people need that. Like they need the, the, the meat. Right. Okay. How you actually do that, mom is you need to do these things, right? Yeah. But I like the idea of you capturing their attention just with the most important point.
Kenya Kistler (21:56):
Yeah.
Anna Rapp (21:58):
Okay. As we wrap up, tell me what's most standing out to you?
Kenya Kistler (22:07):
Well just getting more visible with a clear voice, I think. And just the, the, the strategy there for the reels, which I, I guess it just is helpful to know how to use it as opposed to just to do it, but how to do it effectively. So yeah, just being more confident in my voice and being more confident I think helps me with visibility.
Anna Rapp (22:30):
Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>, you deserve to be confident. Like, you know, like you have so much education and experience and passion, like every time I've interacted with you, like that's what out stood out to me as like, this woman has so much passion and that's gonna keep you in it. Right? And so just giving yourself credit, pacing yourself, like what, I know you gave that real pep talk to your audience, but what would be like a concise pep talk you wanna give yourself when it comes to the next 90 days of showing up in your business as you're balancing motherhood and life and laundry and all the things <laugh>?
Kenya Kistler (23:08):
Hmm. I think I can, I can do it when I try to do it in little pieces. Like I don't have to do it all at once. Yeah.
Anna Rapp (23:24):
I love that reminder. And maybe even write that on a note card for yourself so that when everyday life happens, right? Like we're in session now, so things are, but like as soon as you head out a session, like you've got emails and you go like, so just reminding yourself I'm safe. I don't have to do it all at once. I can build one step at a time and that's gonna get me to the next level. Just focusing on what's the, what's that next step in front of me. Mm-Hmm.
Kenya Kistler (23:50):
<Affirmative>, which I have my task for the week, so there we go.
Anna Rapp (23:54):
You do exactly. So knock that task out and just focus on that and then the next thing. Yep. Right.
Kenya Kistler (23:59):
Yep. No, that's helpful. Thank you.
Anna Rapp (24:02):
I can't wait to watch your reels because anything mindful parenting, like I just eat up <laugh> with a spoon, so I cannot wait to see them.
Kenya Kistler (24:11):
Oh, thank you
Anna Rapp (24:12):
<Laugh>. Okay. Have a good, have a beautiful day.
Kenya Kistler (24:15):
Thank you, you too. Okay, bye love. Bye.
PS: In the midst of this challenging time I’ve been asking myself what I can do to help? One of the #1 ways I support my clients is by helping them simplify their business so that they can increase the flow of money without creating extra work. In this season simplified visibility and sales is needed more than ever.
So if you’re craving personal support as you reposition your free and paid work, I’d love to help you simplify your sales process so that you can produce income in your business even during a challenging time. If you want support you can check out my services and book a free discovery call here, or you can send me a DM on Instagram.